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A girl who has taken her "A" level got her Chinese "A" a "D".
(Big matter to us!!!)
She expected a better grade and so do here teachers and friends. (same here!!!) She is a good student too.
(yeah so am I).
Nonetheless, she still applied to various local Uni in hope of getting in.
(me too!!)
But in the end, she was rejected by the local Uni even though the admission requirements are relaxed.
(me too!!!! very sad and disheartening to us, I am sure!)
Her mother even beg the the MP for it.
(Nah, this is the point of divergence. My mum din even bother. She thinks no point and it is me who coz my downfall.)
Now her daughter dare not go out and face the world.
(Well, I did went thru this phase. I hung my head low when I go out and keep myself shut in my house most of the time. I feel inferior to others especially my peers. I am still so, seriously and honestly.)
Her mother is at lost on how to deal with her daughter.
After breezing thru the article again, I feel...WOW!!! I had a similiar experience but I wasnt to that extent of depression.
Here is wat my advice is, if YOU, YES, YOU, gal who make ur mum worry or anyone who is close to her seen this, tell here the following.
There is absolutely NO point, NO POINT in mopping ur head over something that is already in the past.
Get ON with ur life. Ur life wun stop here. You still have a long way to go. Why stop urself over an obstacle which may seemed large to you at this moment?
Start to think and plan ahead. An Obstacle may force you to chage current plans but IT will NEVER obstruct ur big plans.
Here is what I did, hopefully, it will be of reference to you.
I cried to myself to sleep and think and pountd on the reason why I got it all wrong. Yeah all wrong, coz I got all "D"s including my best subject, chinese.This period is very important. You frustrate all ur bad feelings then kick it aside like a cleanser. Wipe it off.
I think of the jobs that I can do this moment and I find myself not prepare to face the world as yet. Whic means studies is still important to me!
Fine, the I ask myself. Do I want to go SIM or Local Uni since I got a full cert? Moreover, my JC dun 1 me anyway and I never 1 that kind of school life anyway.
I think the answer will be local uni since I pick a fall there and WAT else!! Those who reject me Shall admit me in GRACE!!!! No nid for red carpet but the "气势" must be there.
With this aim in mind, I know, it will be the private candidate route and it is not ez for me coz I have one Science subject which requires lab work.
I got several friends in the same situation as me who enrolled themselves into private schools which have labs to do lab work. Yeah, I go and check out who din make it and comfort myself that I am not the only one and that Failure is nothing, it can happen to anyone, even the clever ones.
Then I realise regimented life not for me coz me still afraid to face others and think I would see their despising faces. So I stay at home and study. I check out all the neccessary including the private candidate registration date, the syllabus to see if there is any change and check out who is still in my old JC to render some help in case I need it. I no longer see it just as my studies but a war which I wage against the local institution and exam system. IF this is the hurdle I have to crossover, so be it. I need to strategise it and make it work and win for me! I WANT TO WIN IT IN GRACE! I set myself a timetable and follow it so that it means I am like in school studying but in home environment. It is a bit of bad method coz my slight depression and fear of people did not get cure. It worsened.
My mum supported me throughout the process even though she blame me for my downfall. My dad is the one who truly oppsed say me waste my time and wun make it anyway. My mum fight for me and I feel touched. very very touched. I wasnt on good terms with mum then, I was defiant. But the setback make me realise and open my eyes to a lot of things that I have taken for granted including my mum. However, I sat at the dinning table every meal with my head hung low after that. I din earn any $$$ and I cant do the basic for them that is excel in my studies. I live my life for that year in disgrace.
Yeah but dun think my parents are that bad lah. Just a front. Who dun like their kids. But one thing is that, they din foot my exam fees again. I had to folk out nearly 500 backs to do all five subjects again. You hear me right, I DID ALL FIVE SUBJECTS AGAIN!!
I do all the ten years series again, going through the notes I have and read through them with more details. As for Chinese, I tried to find all the possible areas that I might have did wrong like my lit not good. I memorise that again and again, constantly. Who says no need to memorise? IT IS BULLSHIT!! You still nid the main points to write. AS for The other part my chinese lang, I am good at it so I din do much juz read through the vocab and newspapers.
Guess wat?!! I wrote my 1st piece of chinese compo only during the exam for the year and able to do so sia. Heng!!!
For the science subject, I give up the lab work, juz memorise the stuff needed for lab and that's it. I reinforced in other areas fpr that subject. Wat for waste time on things that wun yield you any good marks.
For GP< my weakest also, I send my essay from my friend, 3rd sis, for her GP teacher to mark. I endure his teasing also. I bear it wif good grace and even send him a bar of good chocolate with a cheeky note.
All thanks to my dear sis, my best 3rd Sis!!! even though we have sum misunderstanding bcoz of it but we clear it!!!!
my GP ah, agin, I realise I am good at compre and bad at compo.
Then I made a visit to my old JC to see my CCA teacher who kindly helped me with my work. But when the pricipal who walk pass saw me in home clothes. She scold my teacher and even scorn me for not doing well, first time round.
C'mon, who will alwaz do well so smoothly all the time. It is not that I duno my work but you staff's way of explaination is horrible. They have diff treatments for good and bad students. I find that I can study better without their help and dun need to see their bad faces to demoralise me! IF not for my good good teacher, I would not go back!
Then for my lab exam. IT is scheduled at my old JC and the HOD of Sci at that time look at us in contempt. Coz she recog some of us were former students. I duno if that is my misconception or wat lah, I find that annoying and disgraceful!
Then I sat my exam with best wishes from mum. Very importnat to me. Without her support, I wun make it so far. I discuss my work with her even though she din have much education. I tell her my worries, my fear, my obstacles and she analysed for me in chinese lah.. She have read the papers so know more than me. She is a good mum. she even brought me lunch while I need to sat for my next paper on same day as the one b4. She has to travel so far.
I hung my head low for the whole year. Cut down my trips outside. No KTVs, NO shopping trips, No fun. I need to get my own $$$ to get books and pay my fees so I give tuition. To a private candidate for "O" level. I tried to help her. Heopefully, I help her lah.
When exam results are about to release, I couldnt sleep. I couldnt eat. I couldnt even read my fave books. My mind keep repeating the errors that I have make during the exam. When I accessed the results thru net, I was overjoyed. My Chinese got a golden "A". The rest all improved greatly except for my Sci subject. Stagnant at "D" lah. Expected. no labwork means no "A". I cried over my results laughing and screaming at the same time. I knew I did it and won the battle against the instituions and system. "以其人之道,还其人之身".That day, I have to give tuition. For the first time in that year, I held my head high and take a deep breath as I step outside. I wasnt that bad afterall. I am not useless.
Joyfully, I applied to all Uni including SIM and SMU. That means I have to slog for the SAT at that time. I went for it anyway. I did it quite ok. Then SMU called me for interview and I actually passed that gritty meany interview. It is very very tough, I assured you. Unless you have full confidence of urself, they will squirm on you!!! After going thru so much, I dun think that is a problem. I have proved to myself. my former chinese lit teacher who a bit belittle me was surprised that I did it too. i am now in one of the top schools, graduating soon.
All I want to say is this. Think for yourself gal. What do you want to do in the future? If you want to continue studies, by all means do it. Think of the different alteratives and plan. Planning is important. and so is determination. Family support is important but you have such a caring mum so should not be a problem.
Set aside all ur unhappiness and fear. They will obstruct you. Have no fear and concentrate in ur goal and you will succeed.
Anything, u can reach me by this website. Will be glad to talk to you.
For the rest of my friends and sisters, Sorry to make you read such a long piece. I juz had to say my piece here. I feel the same feeling arise again when I read the article. hehehee....This is my true feeling even though you all kind folks never belittle me but that kind of feelings still there. I am wary of you for that time. I feel so inferior so disgraceful and still feels so today. That's the impact that the whole stuff still have on me. I am still treading on thin ice even today. I care for my studies more than any of the outings. Sorry to fly u the planes so many times. Thanks for supporting me!!!!
So grateful!
I dun blame any1 or anything for my fall. I may hate the edu system at that time but now, I think it is a phase I need to get thru and the edu system are more humane and closer to my ideal one.Wish I can go back and do it again to do my exam in this kind of environment where I can get to choose. I think it is a good time to cure my cockiness.
Guys, dun try it ah...U nid to think of ur NS and no time to repeat ah... I have seen guys who slogged so hard in the day and struggle to revise in the night.
Thats all, Good Day to all then!!!!
:P
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