Writing novels

I once harvested a great dream to become a novelist even though my English is pretty broken. But what the hell, I can always write in Chinese and translate it. However, the dream died as I was busy preparing to deal with my major blow in my life then, I had flunked my As.
Dreams need to be built in Utopian kind of environment but the harsh reality of life just make me wanna die and arm myself to face it. I don't like to dodge as it is a cowardly behaviour. Even if I grieve secretly, I will not show it.
Now, after watching so many movies adapted from novels especially teenage fantasy romance novels, it sort of rekindle my passion and love for writing novels. I feel the urge and longing to do so. But I have other commitments in life, I was wondering if I can sustain it and continue to write like I used to.
Last time there is no such thing as Laptop or Computer. Everything was handwritten. It was a tedious process but I like the feel of coping myself up in a room and immerse myself into the world of fantasy that I have created. It is like finding a toy to play when you have none physically. Imagination is the toy. How you want to play it depends on your creativity.
Bathrooms become my thinking ground. I would mull over the details, logic and flow of the scenarios behind each scene.
I miss the feeling of being able to express. Not verbally but through the magic of my pen.
Now with the success of novels like Narnia,Spiderwick, Inkheart, Twilight and Harry Potter, I feel the itch to do it. Find my passion.
I think I miss the time when I was schooling. School life was so much fun. I prefer to set my novels during school. So youthful and reckless.
Passion is everything.
But at the same time I fear the loss of realism. I fear I would be eaten alive in reality if I immerse myself into the world.
How to disentangle myself between the two worlds, I have no idea.
How?
I wonder.

Twilight

Star-crossed lovers

This is one of the phrases that one of the film critics used in his review.
And I seemed to quite lapped up the notion of it as well.
I realised this genre appealed to me even though the male and female lead is not that gorgeous looking, the chemistry between them sizzles me up.
The first movie of such kind is "Romeo + Juliet".
I was addicted to it like no tomorrow.
News clippings, songs, novels, I just did what I can within my means to satisfy my addiction.
Somwhat, the feeling of ill-fatedness works very well on me, as if I can feel them.
The torture, the pain, the craving of trying to touch but don't have the courage to do so.
Havent felt this for quite some time.
Geez..The thought, the pain is killing me.
Not to say the film is so great, there are flaws like how come the villain was so easily killed and in the first place they should not be so scared of him.
It is the human-vampire relationship that keeps people thinking.
Wondering if there is a what if.
What if the relationship work?
What if Bella grows old and die, what will happen to Edward?
Will Edward make Bella one of their own?
What if Bella is killed so that someone can take revenge on Edward? She is his weakness now.
What if....
What if....
What if....
.
.
.
.
.
Yeah, thats what I feel.

the soundtrack too is absolutely fantastic, love it. so is the music score.
Tempts me to keep every news clippings, buy the music soundtracks and novels.
Geez..
It is teen flick.
What happened to me?
Prolonged teen infatuation period?