reactions n beliefs

Here is a story I have heard and I think it is worth sharing.

Last thursday, A had a minor argument with someone which left him feeling upset and angry. It sort of spoilt his entire day.
He was wondering why should he be so affected by the other person's opinions and language?
Naturally, I could not help him but just listen to him.

I din know the answer to his question until I started my weekend lessons.

The other person pressed A's hot button on his values and beliefs. Because a person's values and beliefs is so close to their heart, something that they hold it tight within themselves.
A becomes offended by the other person because it is something he holds it dearly in his heart. Honesty and integrity and impartiality. By saying he is not acting according to his values and beliefs, he is naturally upset and angry. He finds the accusation untrue and degrading.
Worse still, the other person went straight to A's boss to lodge a complaint. A felt even more angry. An wrongful accusation is not enough, now the other person wants to ruin the impression that A's boss has of A? Wah, another hot button.
A always tries to maintain his image and impression in front of everyone. Treat everyone with respect and care to the best of his abilities. Here is someone who brush away all his efforts and throw it right back at him, leaviing him hurt and offended.

What lessons can be drawn out from here?
1. Have trust in yourself. IF you do it right along with logical thinking and careful consideration, no matter what the other person say, you will be calm and controlled. Outsiders do have eyes to view for themselves and judge for themselves.

2. Respect everyone's values and beliefs. If the other person thought of A that way, all A have to do is to "PAUSE". Do self-reflection on themselves by viewing it from 3rd party's perspective using perceptual position. Dissociate yourself from your position and view the entire fight like a movie. Think if you have done wrong. Then step into the shoes of the accuser and see if there is anything wrong with A's behaviour. If you have done nothing wrong, then remain calm and peaceful. It is not A's issue. It is the other person's issue.

Having a peace of mind, respect others is important. There is no FAILURE only FEEDBACK.

        

Definition of success

Success is a very vague term.

According to Dictionary.com, the definition of Success is defined as follows:

"–noun



1. the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors.


2. the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.

3. a successful performance or achievement: The play was an instant success.


4. a person or thing that is successful: She was a great success on the talk show.


5. Obsolete . outcome. "
 
Is this the way to define Success?
According to the NLP terms, success is a nominal word.
It is too chunked up and confusing. 
It is also a subjective definition that varies with individuals.
On the general, it can be divided into 2 types, temporal and lasting.

Temporal success means things like money, status, appointment, etc.
It is fleeting and will go away as time passed by. For instance, a few years ago, you can be successful financially as u have millions of dollars and so on. But once the economic crisis sets in or any wrong move in investment, your money has shrunk over time.
You can be a CEO in 1 second, peak of a person's career but over time due to illness, company not performing well, etc, you can not hold the appointment of CEO anymore.
There seems to be like a pareto optimality theory behind it in the sense that only 1 person can succeed and be at that position at 1 time.

On the other hand, lasting success means things that only you know.
It is like some kind of personal achievement that spawned a new change in you or others. For instance like personal goals of doing voluntary work, helping others in need, create a change in outlook, etc. This is more evident in those who have suffered a personal crisis like cancer remission patients or bankrupt people.
Of course, one need not go through the extreme extent to reach this personal achievement. By heightening awareness and observe the surrounding, one can go through all these changes. You can embrace the qualities that you wish to uphold and move towards your dream or goal.By changing yourself, you not only shape your future but you also influence others as everyone is connected.

On a social level, Singapore seems to have 1 measure of success in general. Every few years on the newspapers, there is an article on the 5Cs or even 6Cs.Condos, cars, cash, casinos....
It seems so superficial and temporal according to the theory.

To me, success is not so specific.
 It emcompass BOTH.
For someone who step into the society not too long ago, both physical and mental success are important. Not that we are so $$ focused, but we live in a world connected to others. We cannot help but influence by them as well. IF that is the standard that they are measuring themselves up there, it is what they are going to reach out. By that, one cannot help but to reach a certain level up in the $$ as well. Otherwise we would not be able to survive. Likewise, when we achieve mental success, there wil be a part of it that constitutes to a physical success as well.
I just hope with careful considerations and planning, I will achieve both in the future.
Not just by saying but also physical doing it as well.


Every beginning has an end and every end has a new beginning.

So what is your definition of success? Have you thought about it?

Self-consciousness

On a shopping trip with mum,we saw a lady trying to look for a seat on the MRT.
She looks well on the outside, but she keeps shifting her stance as if her legs are tired.
Nobody was taking notice of this.
Whenever there is an empty seat, she will try to move there as soon as possible after a slight hesitation. However, others nearby were too fast for her.
I whispered to my mum. "Why did she hesitate? She could have gotten the seat if not for her hesitation."
My mum with her words of wisdom shed some light into this. "Well, she might be feeling self-consciousness."
I was surprised at her comment.
We continued our discussion on this.
Me:
"Well, if she has a valid reason like her legs are weak and she desperately need rest, she can take the seat without any self-consciousness or how others view her. Afterall, she is the only one to take care of her own health."

Mum:
"You must know this. People will gossip about their behaviour right in front of them. It would not be nice, isnt it? Moreover, you dunno if anyone will blog this on the Internet or take picture and post them online calling her a seat grabber. Afterall, she looks find on the exterior."

Me:
"Well, she has a problem and she is the only one to know. There is no need to publisize and announce to everyone in the cabin that 'hey I have a weak knee and I need a seat.' She should know her own health. It is better to get a seat and have everyone's tongue wagging than to fell down and suffer injuries. As long as your conscience is clear, there is no need to tell anyone."

Mum:
"Things dun happen this way. People will think you are selfish and not civic-minded."

I was loss for words. Apparently, the loss of FACE is more important than health.
But on a another level, the impact of technology on people is tremendous yet again.
Even aunties are wary of the technology and do self-censorship on their actions and behaviours so that their photos wont end up in the YOUTUBE or STOMP.
Scary isnt it.

Benefits vs Privacy

Technology has been surrounding us ever since I can remember.

Since the advent of the Internet, things have been changing drastically.
More new compatible applications and products have beenc created to ride on the wave of Internet, which is described as the 4th Revolution. The world suddenly is no longer restricted by its geographical limitations, and shrunk into what Marshall McLuhan coined as "Global Village".

As a result, people around the world becomes technologically enabled. For instance, people can become reporters and post what they have seen online. Everyday lives was suddenly magnified several 100 times as it was circulated throughout the entire Global Village within seconds. We all know that there is this girl residing on a tiny island, did a DIY sex video and was circulated around the world. There was this certain girlfriend who nearly destroyed her boyfriend's male happiness with her physical abuse. Nitty Gritty details becomes the information that was circulated and make known to nearly all of us so much so that I feel it maybe one of the factors that contribute to Information Overload in this Information Age. Suddenly, the quality of the information dropped so drastically that gossips filters into our daily lives.

Of course, there are other things like Google world map which also featured Street view. It is an excellent tool in my opinion especially when one decides to go travelling. At least you have seen the place before and you most likely would not get lost. You know the road situations, whether is it a one way lane or 2-way street. The convenience is unmeasurable.

However, on the news today, someone discover that a nude woman walking around her house was caught on the Street view as the street scene was captured by Google. I was like, OMG. How unfortunate.

That set me thinking how come this was not filtered? Furthermore, even though it was very convenient and has a lot of benefits, does it outweighs our own privacy now that our lives are put online that everyone can see it? Are we going to do self-censorship and be very conscious of our actions and behaviours in our everyday lives for the fear that we may be caught on the camera or other devices and be posted online?
There will be a 3rd pair of eyes looking very carefully every movement we make. How does it impact on our lives? Doesnt it amount to surveillance?

Since everyone is subjective, some people may not be comfortable with some thing and they took the picture without permission and post online. What happened to the courtesy and the respect for privacy of others? For the sake of showing off or proving one's point, other's privacy is sacrificed. Is the sacrifice worth it?
These are the issues that we have to grapple with in our everyday lives as technology become a major part of our lives.