Men: LA vs UK

Dating game in London and LA January 01, 2007
HIT movie The Holiday follows the experiences of two women – one from LA and one from London – who trade places after despairing of the dating scene in their own countries.
Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz find their dream guys – Jack Black and Jude Law. But just how different are the men on either side of the Pond?
Here, British-born writer TIFFANY ROSE, who lives in both London and LA, gives her take on dating and fellas in the States and closer to home.
AMERICAN MEN
ON a recent date in LA, I went to the loo and read this graffiti: “These restrooms are like most men I’ve met — engaged, dysfunctional or full of s***.”
After living in the Hollywood Hills for more than a decade as a showbiz journalist and dating LA guys, I recognised some truth in it.
Dating in such a glam city is not always all it seems. It is a complex game — one the single woman needs to learn quickly.
For a start, there’s this huge grey area of “seeing other people”.
In LA it’s perfectly acceptable for men (and women) to date as many girls (or boys) as they like until they decide which is The One.
The rules are simple. You can go out together at any time — but asking what your partner was doing last night is a definite no-no.
You may date for up to three months, on a non-exclusive basis, before having the “couple talk”.
There is another critical difference between LA and the UK.
As many LA men are aspiring actors/directors/film makers, and no one really has a nine-to-five office job, a date can be arranged at any time — it doesn’t have to be a Thursday or Friday evening.
A lunch rendezvous is favourable, as this would indicate he wants to get to know you first and could be looking for something more serious.
And it’s decidedly better than a night-cap date, which basically translates as a booty call.
An LA guy also has a full agenda. There’s the gym commitments and waxing appointments.
Yes, boys, we’re not just talking chests here — it is the norm for boys in LA to groom downstairs.
That’s without mentioning yoga sessions (very common) or, of course, auditions and Pilates.
Blame it on the eternal sunshine or the way the palm trees hang, but LA men take pride in their appearance. They rarely smoke, rarely drink until they can’t stand (it would throw their early morning jog and wheatgrass shot off kilter).
One time, I met a guy called Sam for dinner, but he cancelled at the last minute due to an earlier laser hair removal appointment.
I discovered he was enduring monthly sessions to zap his chest hair (he was a stockbroker by day — and I suspect a drag queen by night). He said he didn’t want to be all “red and blotchy” for our date and could we take a rain check?
Needless to say, I deleted his mobile number from my phone.
BRITISH MEN
DATING is wonderfully straightforward in the UK: Boy meets girl, girl grows fond of boy after a few martinis, boy likes girl after some Olympics between the sheets and they become an item.
Simple as that. No debate. No board meeting. No diagrams. Just plain boyfriend and girlfriend doing fun stuff together. My impression of straight British men is that they don’t stand in front of a magnified mirror for hours plucking their eyebrows or trimming nose hairs.
So, exactly what qualities do British blokes have that Americans don’t? I road-tested a British chap to find out.
First, they’re not so brash. On a trip to a London bookshop it took ages of weaving in and out of shelves before dishy Lee Lovejoy plucked up the courage to introduce himself and ask me out to dinner.
Back in LA, a guy wouldn’t have wasted a millisecond traipsing around a store, but would have marched up to blurt out some cheesy pick-up line like: “I’m a movie producer and you must be a model/actress. You’d be perfect for this part . . . can I take your digits?”
Brits seem to have more class and are less sure of themselves, which can be quite appealing, if a little frustrating at times.
Three nights later I met Lee, a City analyst, at a Butler’s Wharf restaurant. He was not only waiting outside for me, but took my coat and let me choose the table.
Conversation with Lee flowed like the Thames. He was witty, knowledgeable and had more amusing anecdotes than my gran. Most of the LA men I’ve encountered begin every sentence with the word “I”.
I (that’s me in this instance) would know more about their CV and the role with Pitt they almost nailed, than about Macca’s marriage breakdown by the end of a date.
Maybe the LA smog affected their brain cells or something?
Ask a guy from the Golden State who the Prime Minister of Britain is and you’ll get a blank stare.
Request a private rendition of De Niro’s monologue from Raging Bull and he’ll recite it word for word as if he studied it that morning.
Once the bill arrived, I offered to pay my share (half hoping Lee would have none of that), and without a blink of an eye he threw down his Black Amex.
There are some men in LA who expect you to go Dutch first time around. I suspect for a couple of reasons: Their dance card is so full that there’s no dosh left in the kitty when it comes to you — or they want to show they strongly support your views on equality.
VERDICT
SO, who exactly comes out top in the Brits versus the Yanks as the most desirable date? Well, at the end of the night, whichever side of the Pond you’re from, all men look the same in the dark.