蘇軾 江城子

所为何人

临危受命不得不从实非我所愿

前有实才之人怎么也非我也

怎知己所不欲却施之于我

情势强逼迫不得已应运而升

资历尚浅不敢诉苦

昼夜战战兢兢一刻也马虎不得

担子之重实非我期盼

吾之计划全盘皆乱且不怨

衡量仔细深怕错待他人且不论同僚数年之情谊

他人之过尚且不咎致力化小事于无形

子乃出发点皆因公之事

实不该大废周章

奈何善意未达他人之意

吾成他人眼中之刽子手

心狠手辣残害忠良的奸佞小人

心灰意冷扪心自问

非我所愿尽其人事

怠慢不得夜夜无法成眠所为何人

心头之大石沉得透不过气

寻之他法转移吾之视线

身心交瘁皆不怨人

奈何付出之心血皆付之一炬

尔等诉冤 漠视吾之努力

可曾有人替吾设身处地摇旗呐喊为之平反

累已无法抹去
蜗居之内自舔伤口
也被亲人指责为漠不关心
内外不是人何以自处
天下可有我容身之处?

The relationship between bad news and vacations

I don't know what is the link between bad news and my decision to go on holidays. It seems I am not meant to enjoy my holidays.
When I first too a long holiday to Taiwan - being the first time I am out of the country, I was told my mentor resigned and I was to take over her position.
After that, I thought to myself: Better do not go overseas to so faraway. Local vacation is not bad. Bad things will happen if I leave Singapore.
And now, when I decided to go Sentosa, I was told by another colleague who was leaving that I "will remember him once in a while, gradually it fades until memories is all that is left."
Upon hearing this, do you know how sad and heart wrenching this sounds?
Who is dictate how this is going to be, for me and for us?
Does that mean that besides work, there is nothing left?
I really resented the resoluteness and conviction in which this sentence was delivered to me.
I am quite angry about it.
I still remember my primary school classmates and keep in touch with some - those really close ones.
Why is it that we cannot maintain the relationships?
Am I too sentimental, a relationship hoarder or I am simply thinking too highly of myself that people want to be friends with me and maintain our relationship because it is worth the time and effort?
Why is it that it seems that I cannot seem to enjoy my vacations because they are all postmarked with departure and sadness?
I really hate dealing with that.
I do not blame people for leaving after all the pastures are greener outside but I resented the timings. I really do.
I have reached my conclusions.
Really. It does not matter if I take my vacation overseas or locally. Bad news just follows.

赌

赌，贝加者也。
贝乃古时之钱币也。
者乃人人也。
赌实乃人与人之间以钱为活动也。

之古至今众人都离不开赌。
不顾炎炎夏日或是绵绵细雨，
不管风吹雨打日晒雨淋，
人组之龙必然成为街道指标。
奖金越高，人龙也不间断。
好像是一种心魔，
不买好像浑身不对劲。

细瞧之下就会发现这些人有什么。
一张张的脸孔有着不同的表情。
有些人脸上露出兴奋的表情，
有些人眼中透着渴望，
有些人带着希翼却又害怕失望的眸光，
有些人已经绝望但是放不下，
毕竟已经投注了太多心血，
想戒也戒不掉。已经上瘾了。
是一种生命的寄托。
有些则当成是一种投资。
有一些则是发呆似的排着队，双眼无神，仿佛这一切都是义务。
多可怕啊！赌到最后竟然成了义务，把钱分给别人的公司也是义务。
如果善待自己，把拿去赌的钱存起来，当作真正的投资，回报是不是比较确切些？
想想自己的家人，想想自己，值得把自己把至亲的生活搞得乌烟瘴气吗？
是谁欠了谁？

intolerable behaviour on bus

News from overseas received from other countries. Comparisons made between the country and ours become stark. Information flows at much faster rate than the past. And with this speed, come the technology whereby citizens or users are able to air their feedback as soon as they feel an urge to do it. The speed of airing views have changed and the culture of citizen journalism takes shape with such technology. The need for self-censoring seems to be placed at a lesser priority than before or the speed of self-censoring actually increase together with the speed of technology.

Posted on 01 Apr 2011

Commuters here get it easy: Baby was kicked off bus in Australia 'for laughing'
STOMPer babysbreath was shocked to learn that a mum and her baby in Darwin, Australia, were kicked off the bus just because the 13-month-old toddler was laughing. 

The STOMPer feels that in comparison, commuters in Singapore get off easy forfar more inconsiderate behaviour.

According to an article on the Northern Territory News website, the bus driver threatened to throw Toni Hay and her daughter off three times, for making squealing noises and laughing on the bus.

The STOMPer tells us more:

"This apparently happened in Darwin, Australia.

"Mum, Toni Hay, boarded the bus with her daughter, Heather. Heather was making happy squealing noises and laughing because she was excited to be on the bus.

"The bus driver threatened to throw both of them off three times before she finally did it.

"I don't get it. The baby wasn't crying or screaming, she was laughing. Is it a crime to laugh?

"If people are getting thrown off the bus in Australia just for laughing, then we should be doing the same to the inconsiderate commuters here who eat, drink and hog seats, among other things."

Dilemma

I was in the office debating with a good colleague of mine over something trivial. The main focus was not on the issue but what drove me to rebutt the poor man. (Poor man because he is there facing my tyranny.)

On the journey back, I was wondering what caused my outburst. This is not the 1st time I had the outburst. 

Then I realised 2 things.

I need a career fueled by my PASSION. Something that I feel very strongly about and I am willingly to do it at all costs.

I need a career that gives me a sense of contribution and SATISFACTION at the end. I need to do something I feel proud that this is the thing that bears my signature.

I hope to achieve both. How can I do it?

Opposition in SG and social media

This round of General Election is worth waiting and watching for. This time the candidates from each party actually make full use of the social media to advance or inform the public of their political aims. Let's see how much social media can affect the outcomes of the General Elections then.

LinkedIn great for business

After the wonders of social networking sites e.g. Friendster, Multiply, Tagged and Facebook, together with the public communication forum e.g. Twitter, there is a need to set up a networking site that focus strictly on business and professional relationships.
Business and coaching gurus begin to emphasise on the need to get connected through LinkedIn in order to advance in career.
It is like the business version of facebook and an online CV for business recruiters and headhunters.
It may impact on the global labour shift and business climate if labour can be sourced differently focusing on the expertise.

LinkedIn CEO: We're adding a new user every second

By Julianne Pepitone, staff reporterNovember 18, 2010: 1:41 PM ET

SAN FRANCISCO (CNNMoney.com) -- LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner spilled some new statistics Wednesday highlighting the business networking site's rapid global growth.

LinkedIn is adding one new user per second, Weiner said, and about half of all new accounts are created overseas. China and Brazil are the fastest growing regions. The site now has 85 million users -- and the latest 1 million signed up within the last nine days.

"On our site it's not about passing the time, it's about saving time," Weiner said at the Web 2.0 Summitin San Francisco. "So we're not looking at the time spent on the site. We have a pretty traditional way of measuring [user engagement]."

That approach to building and serving a member base is very different from Facebook's, conference moderator John Battelle pointed out. Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg boasted Tuesday that half of all Facebook users visit the site every day.

"People tend to lump us in with Facebook and Twitter," Weiner replied. "But we're three very different things. Facebook is massive in scale and scope. Twitter is a public communication forum, but if I'm following you, you're not necessarily following me. LinkedIn is, simply, a professional network."

While Facebook users may "friend" people they barely know, and Twitter users can follow celebrities they've never met, LinkedIn pushes people to connect only with people they know well. Those social connections typically track one of three close relationships, Weiner said: personal, family and professional.

"The difference between social sites and business networking can be said in two words: keg stands," Weiner said.

"Or it could be bong hits!" Battelle replied. "Look at Michael Phelps."

"Well, I guess that's the difference between the East and West coasts," Weiner laughed.

Battelle continued to press Weiner for his thoughts on other companies, focusing on the Web search field. Weiner, who was once an executive at Yahoo, said simply: "I don't think the game is over, that it's [Bing] or Google and that's it."

Weiner admitted LinkedIn has lagged behind Facebook and Twitter, especially in building connections to external sites. For example, a Facebook user can "recommend" a CNNMoney article, and a Twitter user can tweet the article link to followers. LinkedIn has only recently begun cultivating such connections. (CNNMoney added a LinkedIn button to its stories last month.)

"We want to work wherever our users are, so we need to push out our connectivity," Weiner said. "We're investing in our APIs so we can get that service to our users. They want it."

Weiner also mentioned LinkedIn Signal, a product the company announced in late September that is still in beta but will go public in about a month. Signal adds Twitter-like capabilities to LinkedIn, letting users view and search status updates in real time.

Like most tech CEOs at the conference, Weiner stayed mum about thepossibility of an IPO: "You don't necessarily have to go public to get to the next level." 

Water Retention

Water retention is a condition in which the body retains water, causing swelling and tenderness, especially on the extremities and around theabdomen. You may also hear water retention referred to as bloating or edema, and it has a variety of causes, from the mundane to the serious. As a general rule of thumb, you should seek medical attention for water retention if it persists for over a week, or if you are extremely uncomfortable, and pregnant women should seek prompt attention if they experience excessive swelling in the legs and ankles.

There are a number of reasons why the body might start retaining water. Many women are familiar with the water retention associated with the menstrual cycle; this water retention is caused by the release of hormones which causes the kidneys to retain water, rather than flushing it out. Water retention can also be caused by medical problems with organs like the kidneys, heart, or liver, and it has been linked with thyroidproblems as well. Finally, the body will retain water if people eat a diet which is too high in salt.

Depending on the cause of the water retention, there are a number of potential treatments. At home, people should reduce their salt intake if they experience water retention, and they should eat bananas or other foods which are high in potassium. Diuretics like cranberry juice can help the body flush out its accumulation of water, and sometimes just drinking water will help, especially if the water retention is caused by consuming too much salt.

Water retention can be uncomfortable, especially in the legs. It is important to elevate limbs suffering from water retention, and to promote healthy circulation. Tight clothing and jewelry should be avoided during periods of water retention, and sometimes icing the area can help to bring down the swelling and discomfort. Some people find that exercise also helps, as it stimulates blood flow, encouraging the body to flush out the water being retained in the extremities.

Because water retention can sometimes be caused by a medical problem, there may be cases in which medical treatment is required, to deal with the root cause of the condition. If you are being treated for a medical condition which is linked with water retention, your doctor should talk with you about when to come in for a visit, and when you receive a new prescription for any condition, it can be a good idea to ask if the medication causes water retention. By being aware of potential causes for water retention in your body, you can be more sensitive to situations in which going to the doctor might be a good idea.

欢子-其实很寂寞

Fit my mood though.

Obama and social media

Barack Obama is a shrewd politician. At least that's the impression I get from his unique use of social media.
During his election campaign for the run of Presidency, he make full use of the social media by engaging the public through such media. He literally obliterates the boundaries between the public and private spheres as what Habermas has mentioned and uses it to his advantage as he brings the idea of Presidential candidate closer to everyone in the comforts of their house.
Now, when he seeks to get a re-election as the President, he actually make use of the social media again like FB to achieve his political will by garnering political support from his supporters. In this way, he is able to show in specific terms, how much support can he garner throughout his country. Though, it may not be in good in terms of accuracy, it certainly gives him a good gauge / feedback on the policies he might consider changing or his popularity indicator to see if he can continue with his political career.
Amazing isnt it?

Messi garner 6 million fans on FB

Imagine the imaginary lines of social distances and the physical obstacles of geographical boundaries all dissolved at once, what will happen to the relationship between celebrities and fans?
BOOM is the word.


Within seconds that Lionel Messi is alive on FB, his homepages was virtually flooded with requests to be added as friends.
No longer is the theory that distance is beautiful or celebrities are just imaginary idols who are far away, they are brought closer and personal by the social media. They are now larger than life which is the result of a "global village".
However, social media can be a medium that acts both ways.
When you are famous, it has a multiplier effects that increase your fame by n-amounts.
Likewise, if the celebrity did something wrong, within seconds the ardoration may become hatred and gets flamed for forever online with the same multiplier effects.
Scary isnt it?

欢子

Chance upon this singer. Love the music and the lyrics.

心痛

不该存有太旺盛的好奇心
知道的现实是残酷
真实得教人窒息
心象是被人用力的绞
忆起"步步惊心"的一段经典名句
"我们若有十分伤痛, 也必定要你们承受五分."

果然是应验了
虽然并没有逼他爱上我
但是我还是要负起责任
是自己给了他奢望
误导他走向不归路
而自己也惨遭焚毁




为什么我们会走到这一步
我不知道
只知道他拼命想将我从他的生命里推开

我应该成全他
放他自由的飞
从他的生命中消失
这样一来对我们都好
眼不看为净
心也能平静下来去想未来




现在的我们伤痕累累
之间的尴尬不断蔓延
相对无语互相猜测对方的心
继续互相伤害
我别再妄想我们能回到从前
因为
已经没有从前

苛求

明明知道要给对方空间疗伤

却还是不由自主地贪恋他的温柔

心中总有种茫然若失的感觉

是我太习惯依赖着他

还是他太痛所以抽离的很彻底

我知道不能太苛求他

我只想回到从前           拾起那美好的时光

对酌闲聊               畅所欲言知无不言而言而不尽然

但是从前是什么时候

是我们感情很好的时候           还是一方产生异样感觉之前

是我太自私一味的粉饰太平

像擦白板一样抹平水过无痕

蛮横地索讨他的付出

却吝啬的什么也不愿意给

我应该放他自由任他飞

不应该用友情束缚他的行动

鼓励他支持他祝福他才是我应该做的

毕竟是我亲手斩段我们之间可能发生的火苗

既然如此就应该坦然面对

两条生命的道路不可能再有所交际

只可能隔着一溪之水遥望两人奔向不同的目标

我不该苛求他回到从前

毕竟从前根本不知从何算起

早在我拍开他的手那一刹那

他要如何收回早已溢出的情感

希翼了那么久最终还是失望

受的伤痛不时我所能想象

我只愿他过的好  

我不想再苛求他什么

毕竟是我给了他错误的讯息

导致他会错了意

是我的天真无知害死了他也害死了自己

虽然知晓责怪自己是于事无补

但是忍不住要责罚自己的粗神经

强迫他回归自然谈何容易

自己都回不了神更何况是他

搞到我们两个人都尴尬不安

我不晓得该如何收拾这个残局

往前一步是死局       退后一步也是死棋

这个情况让我叹息无奈扼腕

看他那么神色自若若无其事

瞧不透他是没事还是勉强自己

总觉得对他有一丝愧疚

因为自己对他的苛求是过于残忍自私

自己心中就象有根刺

日日夜夜提醒自己有多么残忍愚蠢

若自己机警聪颖些

会不会让我们少受点伤少走些冤枉路

一切都太迟了我们都回不去了

谁说遗忘就能遗忘

我不该苛求自己不该苛求他

很痛苦的演出自己的戏分安抚对方

我们就随着缘分的指引往前迈进

且看时间是否能冲淡一切化虚为无

君在何处

眺望遥远的海岸线
骄阳缓缓落幕
余温熏醉了脸颊
烘托一片朱颜






疲惫的身心            
刻画着姐妹的喜悦
再忙再累                
只为博公主一笑
尽力杜绝后患        
只为能让那笑容再灿烂再持久
让照片定格保存着艳丽的新嫁娘

把玩细颈酒杯        
将橙黄玉露旋转
泡泡起伏不定         
亦如此刻的心情
轻啜着琼浆             
微甜辛辣的口感充塞其中
倾身楼台随风飞翔心情亦飘扬

不由自主忆起南柯一梦
大雾遮掩了你的容貌        
让我瞧不清
感觉却如此真实
你的温柔融于举手投足间着实醉人
有你的包容围绕着           
我绕不出你的五指山
你的细心如细绳               
层层叠叠
我甘心为你所缚

了解我的一颦一笑一蹙一扬
配合无间完成无数人前的折子戏
焦不离孟      
孟不离焦
缠缠叠叠萦萦绕绕痴痴恋恋心心念念
至死不渝

自始至终不是别人就是你
你却在我大半的生命里缺席了
寻寻觅觅         茫茫人海
你       究竟在何处
我       从来都没有将你看清
如何寻到你   知晓你就是良人
感觉可能有误
可不可以给我一点提示
哪怕是在梦里我也一定记牢
渴望见到你的心已消磨至尽
负之于行动希翼遇见你

你究竟在哪里
千山万水我也一定要找到你
撑不下孤单         
快要被害怕吞没
你还是音讯全无
不愿回首        
怕钩起他人伤心的回忆
招惹别人的深情
受尽折磨
只愿取那一瓢清流
 哪怕只守着空飘
也要等你来

折子戏-黄阅

你穿上凤冠霞衣
我将眉目掩去
大红的幔布扯开了一出折子戏
你演的不是自己
我却投入情绪
弦索胡琴不能免俗的是死别生离
折子戏不过是全剧的几分之一
通常不会上演开始和结局
正是多了一种残缺不全的魅力
才没有那么多含恨不如意
如果人人都是一出折子戏
把最璀璨的部分留在别人生命里
如果人间拭去脂粉的艳丽
还会不会有动情的演绎
如果人人都是一出折子戏
在剧中尽情释放自己的欢乐悲喜
如果人间失去多彩的面具
是不是也会有人去留恋 去惋惜
你脱下凤冠霞衣
我将油彩擦去
大红的幔布闭上了这出折子戏........

赠郎君

初次会面两相厌， 
合作之初厌更深。
虎迫二人共患难，
了解之余默契升。

次共赴历险记，
过关斩将成功至。
早已成患难之交，
相扶相持知甚详。





奈何郎意现行之，
怀柔呵护密密围。
妾懵郎意欲为何，
受之有愧无为报。




暧昧不明难分清，
缠缠绕绕欲窒息。
妾拒郎心黯萧然，
复为知己俩相安。

Love for son online

As we always knows that the love of parents is far greater than anything that one could ever imagine.
We always know that the chinese saying"父母恩大过天". Translated very literally, it means that the help that parents gave us is far more significant than what the gods gave us.
In this case set in the conservative Chinese society where the iron rule of one child policy prevails, it is understandable how badly the Chinese parents in China wants their child to succeed and they crave for a boy to carry on their lineage. However, they cannot stop what is going on in the minds of their children. They may be born in the wrong body.

Eversince in the past, Chinese parents cannot bear the idea of their son being unlike a normal male. According to novels and stories told, they will try all ways to correct them so that the children are like normal males.
These corrections include things like marry young, send them for male roughen up trainings and so on.
What can they hope to get out of it when it is torturing the mind of their own children?
One such mother cannot bear the thoughts of sending his son to such torturous places.
She supported him.
And tried to garner the support of others and educating them through the internet.
This is very brave of her in the conservative society and where internet is closely monitored.
This is a classic example of how a minority group can reach out to others and unite them for the common cause. It is ressuring to know that there are like-minded souls out there waiting for help and support. The Internet as a technology is able to do this and tries to solve an offline issue.
Very admirable to launder it out in the open.

Depression

When I was searching for my meaning in life, I was very depressed. At that point in time, I have no idea on what depression is all about. I was feeling rather low and I just wanted to hide and lie lower than before. If you have know me, you would probably know that I lie quite low and blend in the surrounding. How could such such a person like me who is always smiling and laughing, full of gaiety be so depressed?

Seriously, I do not know what is the meaning of life back then. I was desperately trying to anchor and set a direction for myself so that I can filter out what I want and what I dont want in my life. I do not want to be found floating around aimlessly because that unsettles me. When I was in my JC days, I was so involved in the activities of my CCA that whenever help is required, I will go thinking that all contributes to the same big goals and ideals. The goals and ideals were rather vague at that time but nonetheless I was so deep into the environment and the bonding that I think if someone else is steering the ship towards a direction, it must be for good and all I have to do is to follow. But at the end of the day, it is really about what I want to do in my life. It is all about ME and no one else. The group of people or CCA can have a goal of their own and I should only join them when my personal goals are aligned with their. Then that is a win-win situation.

I am in fact rather worried that I might be lulled into this false sense of goal seeking i.e. seek the goals on behalf of others that I forgo my own only to realise that I have missed my own ship when we parted ways.
I keep asking myself what are my strengths and weaknesses so that I can utilise my strengths to get to the peak performance where I want to be. I want to be at the top of the rest of people where my talents are fully recognise. But by identifying my strengths, I took about 4 years and that has not completely solved the mysterious and complex puzzle of me as a human being.

I was rather disappointed in fact. I really did not know myself well enough or rather I ditch the whole discovery about myself in the past and just try to reinvent the wheel again.

That's where I fell into depression because nothing works for me and I am drowning the the ocean of nothingness.
I would withdraw from the crowd, away from my friends and family. I would allocate time for them and wayang to show that I am alright which in fact I am not.
I would go on streets, shopping aimlessly.
At the end of the day, I would still ask what I want in life.
The answer would still be nothing.
I thought if I just like there dead, maybe I would not have to think so hard, struggle so hard to make it right for myself.
I actually went thru the ways of dying.
Cut wrist - too painful
Gas myself - geez ugly
Jump mrt / building - worse
drink poison - even more uglier

Then I stopped myself. Actually, finding a perfect way to die is much harder than finding my own goal. The struggle did not be so painful as long as I can account my actions to myself. I can convince myself this is the way to go and just jump on the ship without blinking.

Then at my lowest point in time, someone asked me, what is the route that most appealed to you now?

Is there any rationale why you would favour this route over the rest?

Are there more push factors than the pull factors?

The route that most appealed to me was to go back to school to study. To relive the wonders of studying and to regain the happy moments of my life. The rationale is that I wanted it for my personal developement and a sense of achievement and at the same time I want to use it as a footstep to advance in my career. Of course there are more push factors than pull factors as I have completely lose sense of the objective or rationale as to why I am still staying at the current environment I am in. I do not know why I am here but I know I dread coming to work as I often take taxis more than I take the bus.

But seriously, what am I supposed to do in the future? I do not know yet. I just want to move on and explore the comfort zone which I have always been in - teaching at tertiary level where I would not be so bogged down by admin matters.

How coincidentally, Stephanie Sun share this as well.