Dealing with angry or impossible people

It is practically impossible not to meet with this kind of people. One second they may be nice, the other they may just explode.

How to deal with them?

I was so desperate that I did a google search on the topic and was offered a few tips.

1. Recognise that such kind of people do exist - there is nothing you can do about them. People are not all compatible with each other.

2. Understand that it is THEM not YOU. So do not blame yourself for it as it takes 2 hands to clap. A nice explanation would be:

This can be surprisingly difficult, considering that impossible people have complete mastery of blaming skills. If you're dealing with an impossible person, you're probably being told on a regular basis that every conceivable thing is your fault. It isn't. As the saying goes, "It takes two to tango." Chances are, the more often they blame you, the more they themselves are actually at fault. Keep in mind that this is not to be used as a way to blame them. Blaming is what impossible people do, and they do it well. Instead, you are only facing the facts, for your own sake. That being said, here's a simple way to tell: If you accept responsibility for your own faults and resolve to improve yourself, it's probably not you. Remember, impossible people "can do no wrong."

3. End the Relationship if you can, if you can, stay away from the person unless you had to.  People can be so toxic that it is self-abusive to stay with them.

Whether they are a friend, a boss, a parent, even a spouse, the time to leave will eventually manifest. Maintaining a relationship with an impossible person is, literally, impossible. If you can't (or won't) make a physical departure immediately, make a mental one. In your mind, you've already left the relationship. The only thing left to do is wait for physical reality to reflect that fact.

4. Protect yourself from the person and maintain a healthier state or limit the time spent with them.

If you have regular dealings with someone who tries to portray you as the source of all evil, you need to take active steps to maintain a positive self-image. Remind yourself that this person's opinion is not necessarily the truth. Understand that oftentimes, impossible people are particularly "fact-challenged." If the attacks have little basis in raw fact, dismiss them. You can't possibly be as bad as this person would like you to believe you are. Do not defend yourself out loud, however. It will only provoke the impossible person into another tirade.

5. Stop trying to solve the unsolvable with the person. LIVE around them. Impossible to treat them as normal because they are like kids, craving for attention.

Understand very clearly that you cannot beat these kinds of people; they're called "impossible" for a reason. In their minds, you are the source of all wrongdoing, and nothing you can say is going to make them consider your side of the story. Your opinion is of no consequence, because you are already guilty, no matter what.

6. Avoid them when they are having one of their HEATED moments.

If you aren't careful, you could find yourself adopting much of the offender's own behavior, even if you aren't voluntarily trying. Eschew blame entirely by understanding that this is just the way the other person is. These things define the impossible person's actions, and nothing you do can change any part of their past.

Understand that you are going to be accused of much (or all) of this behavior yourself. If your impossible person gets a look at this text, to them it will look like a page about you. Prepare yourself for the fact that the impossible person's flaws and failings will always be attributed to you. Remember, in their minds, you are at fault for everything! They will have an endless supply of arguments to support this, and if you make the mistake of encouraging them, they will be more than happy to tell you why you are the impossible person, and how ironic it is that you are under the mistaken impression that it is them.

7. Acknowledge that this is a pain for them without ignoring or minimising their feelings. Otherwise, this would escalate into another ANGER SPIRIAL.

Until it is over, your task in the relationship is to manage the impossible person, so that he or she deals less damage to you. As a manager, your best resources are silence (it really is golden in some cases such as this), humoring the other, and abandoning all hope of "fixing" the impossible person. Impossible people do not listen to reason. They can't (and even if they could, they wouldn't). You can't convince them that they have any responsibility for the problems between you. They don't recognize (or if they did, wouldn't try to improve) their flaws for a very logical reason; they don't have any flaws. You must understand and manage this mindset without casting blame and without giving in to anger. It's far easier said than done, and you will slip from time to time, but as time goes on, you'll become a better manager.

8. Respond to the FEELINGS and not the content of their RANT. Frankly speaking this is hard to do, as words can be like sharpened harpoon that will pierce through any mental defences.

9. Do not defend yourself by attacking their flaws, meaning to say that if you commented "You are too sensitive", you can consider yourself dead.

10. Communicate how their NEGATIVITY affects you. Start with I not YOU. May work, may not work depending on ther person's personality regression.

11. Suggest remedy to anger problem. Try ANGER MANAGEMENT.

12.  Do not be a MARTYR

Don't become a martyr. Before you attempt to deal with impossible people yourself, you may have to learn how to control your own emotions. If you are simply unable to avoid an impossible person due to work, family, or other reasons, it is especially important to find other interests, join a support group, and seek therapy or religious counseling if necessary.



Don't let them be the martyr that brings you down either. It is a real source of frustration to have a difficult person "play the martyr" around you to arouse your feelings of guilt and confusion. Beware this tactic and stand aside from them as they serve as their own martyr without you cementing their choice by fawning over them or conceding to their behavior.

Well, this is a lengthy post. I hope it inspires you as it inspires for me.

(Extracts taken from http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Impossible-People )