Downside of microblogging

To me, even though having a Twitter account is the "IN" thing for my generation especially my peers, I for some unknown reasons, seldom use it for communications with my friends. I think not just that, even the comments or what is going on columns I also avoid using them. I find it very intrusive. People can track my movements, my thinkings and even quote and print a copy for verification. Does anyone have any idea how condemning this is?

This sounds like a Type 6 on the Enneagram, always  looking out for threats. But that is how I guage the distance to socially conduct myself.

Of course, people might say there is a freedom of speech and expression. But that to me is a tracking device for all my friends, relatives and sadly ,my enemies / rivals. To these people, it is the convenient resources to use. All you have to do is to have an impression and use it when you are trying to search for things. All these technology is trying to make human a live search engines. Almost anything can be searched online. No privacy and definitely no way to defend your actions even if it is taken with good intentions. Afterall you cannot fight a war with so many fronts...the mass sea of connected people...

Another things is imagine with this technology, you are opening yourself up to scrutiny. Isnt this tiring to be perfect everyday?This is case for celebrities who cannot even relaxed by opening themselves up into the microblogging sphere. They are under scrutiny for 24 - 7, but how long can you stay perfect? It is kinda strange that people want to engage in this for the longest time.

Of course with the downsides come the benefits. You are able to share your feelings right on the spot. A true reflection of whatever emotions you have, uncensored. Sound a lot like the Jim Carey movie. In the 106 letters, you are able to train yourself to summarise and consolidate your emotions and express to the best of your linguistic ability.
Sounds like a good english class, huh?

Whether it is good or bad, there is no standard answer. It all depend on your perception and usage. Afterall, as the theorists would say, technology is neutral. It can be empowering and enabling or it can be hindering and obstructing.

Celebrities discover the downside of Twitter

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A Twitter page is displayed on an Apple iPhone in Los Angeles October 13, 2009. Is celebrities' obsession with Twitter starting to wane? REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni/Files

On Wednesday 15 September 2010, 8:36 SGT

By Zorianna Kit
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Is celebrities' obsession with Twitter starting to wane? When singer John Mayer , one of Twitter's most high profile users with 3.7 million followers, shut his account on Monday, he was just the latest celebrity to quit the micro-blogging site.
Some stars are finding that Twitter may be great as a promotional tool or for reaching out to fans, but it also comes with a downside.
Teen singer Miley Cyrus deleted her account a year ago, persuaded into silence by her new boyfriend, Liam Hemsworth.
" Hairspray " star Amanda Bynes deleted her Twitter account last week without any notice to her fans. Earlier this month, Disney starlet Demi Lovato , 18, tweeted that she's saying "goodbye to twitter" because "the access that the other people have is uncomfortable to me."
"The blessing of tweeting for celebrities was this idea that you could bypass sending out a press release and go directly to those who are following you," said Robert Thompson, professor of Television and Popular Culture at Syracuse University.
However, many celebrities have found that their tweets are being made fun of, or blow up in their faces.
Although Bynes, 24, offered no explanation for quitting Twitter, she seems to have had a volatile relationship with the so-called "Twitterverse." The actress got flack for announcing on Twitter that she was retiring from acting earlier this year, and then subsequently "un-retiring" a month later.
She also got into Twitter fights with users who disagreed with her tweets, including those about her taste in men.

FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT
"Many celebrities are realizing the old saying that familiarity breeds contempt," Thompson told Reuters. "We used to think that celebrities were distant people we could never communicate with. Twitter reversed that and some celebrities are growing tired of that."
Just ask country singer LeAnn Rimes , who was an active Twitter user when her marriage ended after she cheated on her husband with married actor Eddie Cibrian .
After Rimes and Cibrian divorced their spouses, the duo was photographed kissing each other, which sparked outrage. The singer began to get attacked on Twitter but when she tried defended herself on the site, users retaliated even more.
Rimes closed her account in July 2010, tweeting that it was "unhealthy for me and my family to have to read negative comments." However, a week later she was back on Twitter, saying she missed her fans and wanted to let them know "how much u r appreciated."
Paul Levinson, author of "New New Media," says Twitter has now reached a sort of "shaking out point."
"Those who joined as part of a bandwagon because their peers were on the site, are now finding out if it is truly a medium that works for them.
"For some it will continue to be one of the best things they could do. For others, it has become an imposition, a pain," Levinson said.

WHAT'S THE POINT?
Comedian Ricky Gervais joined Twitter last December because he was hosting the Golden Globes and "they want me to do a running commentary on Twitter."
However, less than a month later, he quit. In his last Twitter post, Gervais wrote he was "going to stop these tweets because I don't see the point.
So is this the beginning of a mass Twitter exodus? Not so, said Bonnie Fuller, president and editor-in-chief of celebrity website HollywoodLife.com.
"For every celebrity that quits Twitter, there's 10 who sign up," Fuller said. "There are just too many of them benefiting from Twitter. Celebrities see it as a great opportunity to communicate with fans, give them information and get feedback."
Fuller cited reality TV star Kim Kardashian , who uses Twitter to successfully promote herself, the products she's lent her name to, and the careers of her sisters.
As for Mayer, a spokesperson for the Grammy-winning singer said he had closed his Twitter account because his concert tour has ended and Mayer is preparing to head back to the studio.
Mayer used Twitter to talk to fans and address controversies, including an expletive-laced Playboy magazine interview in February about his sex life.
The bluesy writer of hits like "Gravity" remains active on Facebook , his own website JohnMayer.com and what appears to be his new favorite blogging site, Tumblr.
In a post on Tumblr last week, Mayer said he felt he had "made the right move" to the new site. Despite having only 50,000 Tumblr followers, he admitted to having "an even larger Tumblr addiction" than the one he had to Twitter.
Whether or not he continues on Tumblr remains to be seen. In a September 12 post -- the latest and last post to date -- Mayer thanked fans for making his recent tour a success and signed off by saying that it was "time to (try to) disappear for a while."
(Editing by Jill Serjeant)

Savings

Saw the following articles are very interesting and true. Would like to share with you.

http://sg.finance.yahoo.com/news/10-Things-You-Should-Know-usnews-3051642150.html?x=0

One of the most important things you can do for yourself -- and your future -- is to set aside money for saving. Opening a savings account is a good way to start. A habit of saving can help you achieve financial freedom, since you will be prepared for emergencies, as well as prepare for the future that you want. In order to help you better understand the process, here are 10 things you should know about saving your money:

1. Compound Interest Really is Magic
You should realize that compound interest really can help you build your savings faster. This means that the earlier you start, the more your savings will grow. Additionally, realize that the best yield matters, so you should look for high yield money market account or savings.

2. It's OK to Start Small
Many people think they need to start with $1,000 for an emergency fund, or make a big contribution to a retirement account. This is not true. It is OK to start small. Figure out what you can afford now, and get in the habit of saving. Just make sure to increase the amount you save as your income increases, and/or as you pay down debt.
3. You Need Savings Goals
Carefully think about what you want your savings accounts to accomplish, and set goals. Having goals for your money will help you better prepare, and it gives you something to work for. Then you need to create a plan to help you reach those goals.


4. Different Accounts Accomplish Various Purposes
There is more than one kind of savings account. You should have different accounts for different goals. Your emergency fund should be distinct from your retirement account, and savings for short term goals should separate from both of those. Consider the type of account you need for each of your savings goals.

5. Savings Should Be Part of Your Budget
You will be better off if you make your savings part of your budget. Think of your savings contributions as an "expense" -- and an important one at that. Put "paying yourself" at the top of your financial priorities list.
6. Cash is Not Always King
When it comes to saving, cash is not always king. While you want your emergency fund and short term savings goals to benefit from the liquidity of cash, more long term savings endeavors need something with a higher yield. Long term, you need to beat inflation, so that your buying power isn't eroded during retirement. Consider investments like stocks and bonds for long term savings goals, like retirement.
7. For Retirement, Max Out Tax-Advantaged Accounts First
One of the ways to get ahead with your retirement savings is to invest. Before you start using a regular investment account, though, make sure you have maxed out your tax-advantage first. Putting money into a 401k and an IRA (including Roth options) before you move to other types of investment accounts is a good idea, since you will see tax advantages.


8. Sometimes You Can Save for Others
If you want to help others, you can do so by saving for others' futures. College savings accounts, trust funds and accounts for charitable organizations can help you leave a legacy, and feel good about what you do with your money. And in some cases, you end up with a tax break.
9. Spending is Never Saving
Many people talk of "saving" when they get a "good deal." However, you really are not saving in such cases; you are spending money. If you do not need the item, or do not even really want it that much, then the spending aspect is even more pronounced. Do not confuse getting a good bargain with actually saving money.

10. It is Possible to get Too Carried Away
While you want to save for the future, it is possible to get too carried away with saving money. Remember that life is for living as well. Strike a balance so that you are saving enough to protect you during an emergency, and to help you toward a fulfilling retirement, but do not lose sight of today.

Here is a simple fact about budgeting. Just because you have a budget doesn't mean you manage your money well. If you don't believe this, consider the U.S. government. It has a budget--enough said.


Budgets can be a great tool to help you achieve your financial goals. But if you approach budgeting the wrong way, it can lead to frustration, stress, and even more spending. So to help you stay on track, we've identified seven costly mistakes people make when trying to manage their monthly budget, along with a few suggestions on ways to avoid these mistakes.

1. Picking the wrong tools: As an initial matter, it's important to start with the right budgeting tools. There are no one-size-fits-all solutions. For some, the best tools may be a pad of paper and a pencil. For others it could be a spreadsheet or personal finance software. And there are even online alternatives such as Mint.com. The key is to find what works best for you and stick with it.

2. Trying to track everything: There is absolutely no need to track every dime you spend. For most of us, we over spend in just a few categories. So pick the areas that cause you the most trouble, and track just those categories. It will make budgeting a lot easier and less time-consuming. The key is to ask this question--how will tracking my spending in this area help me better manage my money? If you can't answer that question for a certain category of expense, there is probably no need to track it.
3. Setting unreasonable goals: Similar to dieting, we can kill a budget if we set unreasonable goals. We need to allow room in our budget for fun and for unforeseen expenses. If part of your budget is paying down debt, make sure you are realistic about how much you can pay on the debt each month. If we set unreasonable goals, we are much more likely to give up when we don't reach them.
4. Failing to plan for periodic expenses: Annual or semi-annual bills can wreck a budget. Whether it's life or car insurance, taxes, or gifts, it's best to plan for these expenses on a monthly basis. One easy way to do this is add up the annual cost of these periodic expenses, divide be 12, and save that amount each month. When the bill comes in, you'll have the money saved in advance to pay for it.
5. Failing to plan for emergencies: An unexpected expense can bring down a budget quickly. Whether it's a car or home repair, or perhaps a medical expense, emergencies can throw us deep into debt if we are not prepared. While we can't prepare for every financial situation, building up an emergency fund can help us handle many unexpected expenses. On a monthly basis, set aside money in a high interest savings account, to build your emergency fund.

6. Failing to Automate: Automating your finances can go a long way to helping you plan and budget. Whether it's paying bills automatically from your checking account or automating your retirement investments, automation makes life easier. As part of automating, consider paying recurring monthly bills and expenses with a credit card. By using a card, tracking these expenses is automatic. And if you use one of several of the best cash back credit cards, you get the added benefit of pocketing some extra cash each month. The key, of course, is to make sure you pay off the credit card bill in full each month.

7. Giving up: This last mistake is the most costly. If you are trying to budget and manage your money, you will make mistakes. You'll buy something you later regret buying. Or you'll forget about a periodic expense until the bill comes in. Mistakes happen. The key is to persevere. And to do that, it's helpful if you recognize up front that you will have set backs. By expecting them from the start, you'll be more prepared to deal with them when they arise.
http://sg.finance.yahoo.com/news/How-to-Fix-7-Common-Budgeting-usnews-1613243814.html?x=0

http://sg.finance.yahoo.com/news/Sacrifices-You-Shouldnt-Make-usnews-4019709337.html?x=0

For those of us who think of the money side of retirement often, it's easy to forget about the fact that the day we decide to retire is just another day in our lives. It's not the start, but it's not the end either. There's a whole lot of mileage left in our journey, even after we decide to forever pack up our suits and formal dresses for good.


Reaching a number in your retirement account is not the end goal. That number is merely a checkpoint in our journey that allows us to change how we spend our days. Here are a few things you will regret doing later if your motivation is just to get a higher 401(k) balance.
Neglect your friends and family. Sadly, this is quite common. Whether it's the pressure from the corporate ladder or just personal greed, friendships seem to grow farther and farther apart as we age. Countless studies have shown that people are happier with the right support group. Isn't happiness the real goal we should be striving for? You don't want to retire with a bunch of money, but all alone.

Fail to develop a passion. Are you one of those people who works so many hours every day that you think taking a coffee break is a vacation? Perhaps when you take a vacation you don't know what to do all day. Now multiply that feeling by 24 and then 7. That's retirement. Develop a passion and your retirement life will be fulfilling. If you don't have a plan for how to spend your time in retirement, you might as well just keep working.

Ignore present pleasures. Money is not just for hoarding, but for spending too. Having a multimillion dollar bank account balance is awesome, but most people would agree that it's not worth it if you have to eat plain white noodles everyday for the rest of your life to accumulate that amount of money. The future is important, but the present is equally significant.

Forget that retirement is just a checkpoint. Retirement is not the end. Just like college graduation, the last day of your career is just a change in your daily schedule. Having a high net worth is nice, but a fulfilling retirement is nicer.

photo of me.....10yrs from now vs NOW

I did not know when the craze started but apparently it is the pet project of a photographer. It goes like this, choose a picture that you had in the past, do it same pose with the same clothes and sam location and contrast between the two.

At first, I thought it is a kill time game. After a while, I had different opinions of it. By doing so, you are forcing yourself to travel back time and to relive the same state, same emotions and same context that you have been in years ago. This may evoke questions like how do I get back to the old happy state? Which is good as it will force people to evaluate how they have been doing in their lives.

But after viewing through some of the photos, even though the pose is there, the state, the emotions are not there anymore. One can no longer maintain that anymore.

That is sad as they do the photos may be for the fun of it, without being aware of the hidden posibilities.

Virtual Girlfriends in Japan

Just saw an article where a resort in Japan cater to the young male Japanese a resort where they can holiday with a virtual and non-existent girlfriend.

Such reflect the extent of how technology has impacted on the lives of people. There is no longer a clear distinction between what is real and what is not. People pour out their feelings and emotions to technological products which are considered an dead object without expressing it on other humans. I wonder if this is a form of avoidance between humans so much so people would rather talk to technology than to face a real human. They may want to reduce frictions between humans, the negative emotions that comes from communication.

But such also affected the society on a social level. According to the Census of Japan, their birth rates have been declining rapidly so much so they are an Aged society. The emphasis on the use of technology in society it seems have affected the lifestyles of Japanese. I wonder how the Japanese Government is going to rectify this.

Power of nap

From young, my mother would advise me. Have a bath, do your homework till your hair is dry. Take a 30mins nap and you can continue to do your homework. It was a routine set by my mum which I dislike because it is so regimental.

As I begin working, I realise the importance of nap. I tried to do so after lunch everyday. It work marvelously. I was more energetic and alert. even though the nap may be like 15mins. Of course, there are embarassing moments where I find myself snoring or dripping saliva. geez.......
Now with more workload, I realise I cant do it anymore. What a pity.

Dealing with angry or impossible people

It is practically impossible not to meet with this kind of people. One second they may be nice, the other they may just explode.

How to deal with them?

I was so desperate that I did a google search on the topic and was offered a few tips.

1. Recognise that such kind of people do exist - there is nothing you can do about them. People are not all compatible with each other.

2. Understand that it is THEM not YOU. So do not blame yourself for it as it takes 2 hands to clap. A nice explanation would be:

This can be surprisingly difficult, considering that impossible people have complete mastery of blaming skills. If you're dealing with an impossible person, you're probably being told on a regular basis that every conceivable thing is your fault. It isn't. As the saying goes, "It takes two to tango." Chances are, the more often they blame you, the more they themselves are actually at fault. Keep in mind that this is not to be used as a way to blame them. Blaming is what impossible people do, and they do it well. Instead, you are only facing the facts, for your own sake. That being said, here's a simple way to tell: If you accept responsibility for your own faults and resolve to improve yourself, it's probably not you. Remember, impossible people "can do no wrong."

3. End the Relationship if you can, if you can, stay away from the person unless you had to.  People can be so toxic that it is self-abusive to stay with them.

Whether they are a friend, a boss, a parent, even a spouse, the time to leave will eventually manifest. Maintaining a relationship with an impossible person is, literally, impossible. If you can't (or won't) make a physical departure immediately, make a mental one. In your mind, you've already left the relationship. The only thing left to do is wait for physical reality to reflect that fact.

4. Protect yourself from the person and maintain a healthier state or limit the time spent with them.

If you have regular dealings with someone who tries to portray you as the source of all evil, you need to take active steps to maintain a positive self-image. Remind yourself that this person's opinion is not necessarily the truth. Understand that oftentimes, impossible people are particularly "fact-challenged." If the attacks have little basis in raw fact, dismiss them. You can't possibly be as bad as this person would like you to believe you are. Do not defend yourself out loud, however. It will only provoke the impossible person into another tirade.

5. Stop trying to solve the unsolvable with the person. LIVE around them. Impossible to treat them as normal because they are like kids, craving for attention.

Understand very clearly that you cannot beat these kinds of people; they're called "impossible" for a reason. In their minds, you are the source of all wrongdoing, and nothing you can say is going to make them consider your side of the story. Your opinion is of no consequence, because you are already guilty, no matter what.

6. Avoid them when they are having one of their HEATED moments.

If you aren't careful, you could find yourself adopting much of the offender's own behavior, even if you aren't voluntarily trying. Eschew blame entirely by understanding that this is just the way the other person is. These things define the impossible person's actions, and nothing you do can change any part of their past.

Understand that you are going to be accused of much (or all) of this behavior yourself. If your impossible person gets a look at this text, to them it will look like a page about you. Prepare yourself for the fact that the impossible person's flaws and failings will always be attributed to you. Remember, in their minds, you are at fault for everything! They will have an endless supply of arguments to support this, and if you make the mistake of encouraging them, they will be more than happy to tell you why you are the impossible person, and how ironic it is that you are under the mistaken impression that it is them.

7. Acknowledge that this is a pain for them without ignoring or minimising their feelings. Otherwise, this would escalate into another ANGER SPIRIAL.

Until it is over, your task in the relationship is to manage the impossible person, so that he or she deals less damage to you. As a manager, your best resources are silence (it really is golden in some cases such as this), humoring the other, and abandoning all hope of "fixing" the impossible person. Impossible people do not listen to reason. They can't (and even if they could, they wouldn't). You can't convince them that they have any responsibility for the problems between you. They don't recognize (or if they did, wouldn't try to improve) their flaws for a very logical reason; they don't have any flaws. You must understand and manage this mindset without casting blame and without giving in to anger. It's far easier said than done, and you will slip from time to time, but as time goes on, you'll become a better manager.

8. Respond to the FEELINGS and not the content of their RANT. Frankly speaking this is hard to do, as words can be like sharpened harpoon that will pierce through any mental defences.

9. Do not defend yourself by attacking their flaws, meaning to say that if you commented "You are too sensitive", you can consider yourself dead.

10. Communicate how their NEGATIVITY affects you. Start with I not YOU. May work, may not work depending on ther person's personality regression.

11. Suggest remedy to anger problem. Try ANGER MANAGEMENT.

12.  Do not be a MARTYR

Don't become a martyr. Before you attempt to deal with impossible people yourself, you may have to learn how to control your own emotions. If you are simply unable to avoid an impossible person due to work, family, or other reasons, it is especially important to find other interests, join a support group, and seek therapy or religious counseling if necessary.



Don't let them be the martyr that brings you down either. It is a real source of frustration to have a difficult person "play the martyr" around you to arouse your feelings of guilt and confusion. Beware this tactic and stand aside from them as they serve as their own martyr without you cementing their choice by fawning over them or conceding to their behavior.

Well, this is a lengthy post. I hope it inspires you as it inspires for me.

(Extracts taken from http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Impossible-People )

Power struggle in office

Some people evolve over time preferring not to get into fights with their boss when they know they could not win.
So what do they do?
They do reframing under a general context by getting the positive intention out to get the same purpose.
That is called chunking up.
How to counteract all these?
After some considerations, I think is to put the positive intention into the correct context. And to chunk down to similar situations but solutions that work effectively.
She definitely crawl under my skin. I must tell myself no more nice people. No more face for her.
Twisting and reframing the words.
Trust my law and my logic.

Subconscious vs Unconscious

A friend of mine not too long ago ask me what is Subconscious and what is Unconscious.
Is there any difference between the two.
I got curious and did a quick research.
According to Oxford Dictionary online version,
Subconscious is of or concerning the part of mind of which one is not fully aware but which influence one's behaviour and actions.

Unconscious is not awake and aware and responding to the environment.

Not fully convinced on the diffrences, I translate it to chinese.
Subconscious is 潜意识in chinese. It means that it is hidden under the consciousness. I believe it is something formed out of habits, something that is familiar which one can close the eyes and do it without any effort.
Unconscious is下意识 in chinese. It means it is below consciousness. I believe it is more like it is instinctive and situational. We go by reflex.
What do you think?

Inception

A movie that delves into the subconscious level of human beings. Something that everyone is so sensitive about and there is an air of mysticism around it.
After watching the movie, there is only 1 word to describe.

"OVERWHELMING"

Why? It is like kongfu movie, psychology and conman job all roll into 1 rojak.
Instead of intriguing my minds on how they go into the subconscious, they replace all by drugs, sedatives and a certain gadget that puts people down.
It is in fact more like a maze. Endless routes and options. A con job within a con job within a con job...
Like when you put the mirrors facing each other creating endless images..
I like the script more than the images.
The most famous movie quote is this. More like a hypnotic sentence.

What's the most resilient parasite? An Idea. A single idea from the human ...

The seed that we planted in this man's mind may change everything.

 Another one is

Dreams feel real while we're in them. It's only when we wake up that we realize something was actually strange.

Another NLP-like sentence is

You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.

Another interesting one is

If you can steal an idea, why can't you plant one there instead?

The endless possibilities is

The dreamer can always remember the genesis of the idea. True inspiration is impossible to fake.

I feel shitty. Why?
I just lost my company access card.
I din even remember how I lost it, the lanyard still hanging around my neck. Geez..with the keys but the card with the plastic is gone.
Why like that?
Not that I am riding on the high. I think I feeling depressed so the low alert. I tried to be alert but there are so many things that need my attention and that I am really floored this time. Shame to the floor. And someone is going to sing victory song. I hate my enemy singing victory song. Wah lau...
Then my mum was angry with me. She is angry as she is concerned about my well-being. That I understand but I cannot handle more anger..cannot tolerate..geez..wat has the world come to?
I can only take it so much..

reactions n beliefs

Here is a story I have heard and I think it is worth sharing.

Last thursday, A had a minor argument with someone which left him feeling upset and angry. It sort of spoilt his entire day.
He was wondering why should he be so affected by the other person's opinions and language?
Naturally, I could not help him but just listen to him.

I din know the answer to his question until I started my weekend lessons.

The other person pressed A's hot button on his values and beliefs. Because a person's values and beliefs is so close to their heart, something that they hold it tight within themselves.
A becomes offended by the other person because it is something he holds it dearly in his heart. Honesty and integrity and impartiality. By saying he is not acting according to his values and beliefs, he is naturally upset and angry. He finds the accusation untrue and degrading.
Worse still, the other person went straight to A's boss to lodge a complaint. A felt even more angry. An wrongful accusation is not enough, now the other person wants to ruin the impression that A's boss has of A? Wah, another hot button.
A always tries to maintain his image and impression in front of everyone. Treat everyone with respect and care to the best of his abilities. Here is someone who brush away all his efforts and throw it right back at him, leaviing him hurt and offended.

What lessons can be drawn out from here?
1. Have trust in yourself. IF you do it right along with logical thinking and careful consideration, no matter what the other person say, you will be calm and controlled. Outsiders do have eyes to view for themselves and judge for themselves.

2. Respect everyone's values and beliefs. If the other person thought of A that way, all A have to do is to "PAUSE". Do self-reflection on themselves by viewing it from 3rd party's perspective using perceptual position. Dissociate yourself from your position and view the entire fight like a movie. Think if you have done wrong. Then step into the shoes of the accuser and see if there is anything wrong with A's behaviour. If you have done nothing wrong, then remain calm and peaceful. It is not A's issue. It is the other person's issue.

Having a peace of mind, respect others is important. There is no FAILURE only FEEDBACK.

        

Definition of success

Success is a very vague term.

According to Dictionary.com, the definition of Success is defined as follows:

"–noun



1. the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors.


2. the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.

3. a successful performance or achievement: The play was an instant success.


4. a person or thing that is successful: She was a great success on the talk show.


5. Obsolete . outcome. "
 
Is this the way to define Success?
According to the NLP terms, success is a nominal word.
It is too chunked up and confusing. 
It is also a subjective definition that varies with individuals.
On the general, it can be divided into 2 types, temporal and lasting.

Temporal success means things like money, status, appointment, etc.
It is fleeting and will go away as time passed by. For instance, a few years ago, you can be successful financially as u have millions of dollars and so on. But once the economic crisis sets in or any wrong move in investment, your money has shrunk over time.
You can be a CEO in 1 second, peak of a person's career but over time due to illness, company not performing well, etc, you can not hold the appointment of CEO anymore.
There seems to be like a pareto optimality theory behind it in the sense that only 1 person can succeed and be at that position at 1 time.

On the other hand, lasting success means things that only you know.
It is like some kind of personal achievement that spawned a new change in you or others. For instance like personal goals of doing voluntary work, helping others in need, create a change in outlook, etc. This is more evident in those who have suffered a personal crisis like cancer remission patients or bankrupt people.
Of course, one need not go through the extreme extent to reach this personal achievement. By heightening awareness and observe the surrounding, one can go through all these changes. You can embrace the qualities that you wish to uphold and move towards your dream or goal.By changing yourself, you not only shape your future but you also influence others as everyone is connected.

On a social level, Singapore seems to have 1 measure of success in general. Every few years on the newspapers, there is an article on the 5Cs or even 6Cs.Condos, cars, cash, casinos....
It seems so superficial and temporal according to the theory.

To me, success is not so specific.
 It emcompass BOTH.
For someone who step into the society not too long ago, both physical and mental success are important. Not that we are so $$ focused, but we live in a world connected to others. We cannot help but influence by them as well. IF that is the standard that they are measuring themselves up there, it is what they are going to reach out. By that, one cannot help but to reach a certain level up in the $$ as well. Otherwise we would not be able to survive. Likewise, when we achieve mental success, there wil be a part of it that constitutes to a physical success as well.
I just hope with careful considerations and planning, I will achieve both in the future.
Not just by saying but also physical doing it as well.


Every beginning has an end and every end has a new beginning.

So what is your definition of success? Have you thought about it?

"Fight the battle of life, failure shot me but success will heal the wound."

"Fight the battle of life, failure shot me but success will heal the wound."


This is the quote I lifted from one of the many webpages that I have came across.
Day after day, we have to fight battles, be it big or small, nitty gritty or overwhelming issue, we have no time to take a deep breathe, freeze it and relax. We have to face it, confront it and work with it,whether we like it or not.

Things are just not moving in your favour. There are detestful persons that you have to deal with, who hound you everyday on a certain non-consequential issue that you feel is outside of your scope for the moment.
They cannot understand the meaning of NO in a subtle ways.

Then there are detestful persons who will try to squash your dreams by saying NO to what you are thinking. Why would they say that? Because you are toying with the idea of using the Resources that they are eyeing for. Your Resources.

Then comes the intricate yet complicated issues known as human relationships and work dynamics. Who is in your web and who is not. How that this impact on that? How to approach someone who is too sensitive? How to twist it so that it works in your favour? How come people's problem becomes your problem when you got no time to solve your own problems?

I am not god, never say I was.
Why cant I get a simpler environment?
Too tired to think.
To even dream.
My dream.
Why?
Coz I was caught up in the web.
How to get out of the web and extricate myself from there?
Success?
Where are you?
Can you tell me if I have detour, away from you?

Self-limitation

Everyone loves a mystery or a game. At some point in time, people cannot resist but to play games. They not only play games with others, on others but also onto themselves.
What kind of games can they possibly play with themselves?
They play inner self-games but discrediting themselves.In other words, SELF-Sabotage.

Are these kind of inner games really neccessary?
Do we really need them in our lives?
Is this what we really really wants?

We will mention self-sabotage when we talk about a certain outcome setting.
It is like a self-fulfilling prophecy because what we focus our energy on, that thing with the energy as the nutrients will expand and grow.
For instance, when we say I dont want to cheat myself.
You will probably end up cheating yourself as the brain as certain deletion function that erase out the word "Don't" and focuse on the act of cheating


It is actually our superimposed fear and wild imagination that trigger this self-sabotage.
So in order to get yourself back on the right track, you probably need to ask yourself the following questions:

a) Where are you right now with respect to your goal set?

b) What is it that you are enjoying RIGHT NOW that is keeping you from your goal?

c) What is it that you have to give up with respect to your goals?

d) What will happen if you do not have what you enjoy now?



The idea of change will only come when there is no longer this self-sabotaging occuring.
Have the Resources to aid the changing and shifting does not means there is a willingness to achieve the goal.

The question to ask is now "How do you catch your "self-limitation" which is self-imposed?

Area of discomfort

Attending this Master Practitioner for NLP, makes me more aware of myself and my feelings.
IT actually makes me redefine a lot of things. Out of which is "DISCOMFORT".
To be frank, for things that matters to me, I love to control it.
 It is a comfort zone which I feel I can do my learning, feeling safe and secure in a controlled environment.
However, since coming to this course, I was being reframed.

To quote someone, "Great learning comes when you experience great discomfort".
When you are feeling uncomfortable, you should congratulate yourself because your level of knowledge is going to increase. At first I was like, are you sure coz I cant even get used to the feeling of discomfort. I often build a fence around me so that I can learn peacefully on my own. Turn out by experiencing discomfort, I am forced by myself to be mroe aware of certain things. Things I have not noticed before. It opens up a whole new path or facet of myself which I have not known of. Absolutely amazing. I searched around the net and found this very interesting article to share with you.

Lessons in Discomfort
“In many instances, the likelihood of an individual succeeding (no matter what the goal) will be dependant on how uncomfortable that person is prepared to get and for how long.” C.A.H.

The Application of the Information
This morning I coached someone who asked me to expand on the ‘growth comes through discomfort’ theory. It’s something I’m always teaching and it’s a concept my client was having trouble getting her head around – from a practical application point of view. As the concept is relevant to most of us, I thought I would expand on it a little today.
What’s Growth?

In the context of this discussion, growth could mean a range of things: learning, improvement, adaptation, skill development, greater insight, better understanding, less fear, more confidence, greater productivity, less anxiety, more patience, fewer destructive habits and even something as practical and measurable as greater physical strength and improved health.

For an athlete, growth might mean more points per game, a higher vertical leap or a faster time. For a shop-aholic it might mean eliminating debt and changing spending habits. For the person with a social phobia, it might mean looking someone in the eye and initiating a conversation. And, for the chronic people-pleaser it could mean saying ‘no’ to somebody, taking a stand and not backing down. In simple terms, growth means creating positive change in some area of our (personal) world.

What’s Discomfort?
Discomfort, on the other hand, could be anything that (in a general sense) we’d rather avoid. It could present itself in the form of a work problem, a financial situation, a conversation we’re always deferring, a fitness challenge, a health issue, a habit we need to break, a fear we need to confront, a relationship we need to end, a dynamic we need to change or even (as many people have experienced) an unexpected illness. It could arrive in the form of an emotional, physical, psychological, sociological, financial or professional challenge. Or, a combination thereof.
Individually Uncomfortable
The interesting thing about the discomfort/growth paradigm is that it’s completely personal in terms of how and when it works and what it means to us. By that, I mean one person’s discomfort (and, therefore, opportunity to grow) will be another person’s minor event. There is no universally relevant discomfort scale because we all think, feel, experience and react differently. A scale like P.R.E. (a widely-used scale which gauges an individual’s Perceived Rate of Exertion while completing a physical task) tells us that comfort or discomfort, hard or easy is all about the individual. Which tells us that learning, adaptation, change and improvement are also about the individual.
Standing on a stage and talking is simply part of my job. For me, that task is about as stressful as driving a cab might be for a cabbie. That is, not very. For someone else, it might be an exercise in anxiety or maybe even terror. And, at the same time, a major opportunity for growth. Knowing that things only have the meaning we give them, we can safely assume that there is no single experience, process or situation that will produce consistent or equal results in terms of positive or negative change across the board.

Naturally, not all discomfort serves a positive purpose (standing in front of a moving bus for example) and, of course, we need to be wise and discerning about how, when and why we ‘get uncomfortable’. Having said that, it’s important that we find the awareness, courage and understanding that allow us to see problems, hurdles, barriers and catastrophes for what they really are: opportunities to grow and learn.

Is it time for you to address that thing you’ve been avoiding?
Don’t get mad at me – you keep putting it off. I’m just reminding you.

(Taken from http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/lessons-in-discomfort.html)
 


However, I always know deep in my heart, I always find the idea or feeling od discomfort, familiar yet alien coz I have not touch base with it for a long period. Why?
I haven been forcing myself to step out of comfort zone and try something new and unknown.

Now, I wonder, how to keep that feeling / familiarity with discomfort sustainable?

Successful ending

I just finished one event of mine, lasted 2 weeks. My Colleague aka Tony B complimented on my success at coordinating an event from commencement to finale. I acknowledged myself for doing the best I could for the best of my ability.
Nonetheless, I have to improve on other areas.

Human Interaction
I still feel a lack of warmth or intimacy with other people especially strangers. I still hold back a little. May be I am introverted, maybe i am closet-intimate, maybe my communication skills or social skills need to be brushed up. I still feel awkward around people.

Hospitality management
Maybe I shd take a course on this. I feel so awkward..but it is part of the job...

Technological support
I thought since this is my field of expertise, I should be able to provide the best support but Murphy seems to have his way. I am totally lost. Geez...Maybe should attend some computer workshops. Ahh...considerations for next year.

Interior Design
I must learn this. Very important. I got a lot of ideas and my ideal house depends on this.

Protocol
Seriously not sure how to do it. Must find a manual or something to read up.

Timing
Seriously off. I feel I am slower at doing things and anticipate things. I am doing fire fighting most of the time. Tiring.

Yup, that's about it. I guess. I did a good job and could have do it better, Ganbatte,

Event mgt

Aww mah, it was not easy job. In order to be a good events coordinator, one has to be big picture person at first. When u goin to do this and by when is the deadline.
Then on the actual day, one has to be detailed person. Assume the persona. Attend to the details. Which is nicer, colour affect? Music affects? Food involved, arrangement alright?Your people working fine?Your boss okie?
That's how i went through. Thoroughly drained becoz i being not a thorough person has to do all these. Bosses will open their eyes big big to see ur performance.
I must say, in the past, i will panick.
With NLP, i tell myself, in order for me to be successful, i must assume the role of a hostess and events coordinator. Then i visualise what kind of physiology that a successful events coordinator must have, the state to be in and the energy level to have
Tell you, it takes a few seconds but definitely worth the effort even though i am tempted to skip it.
My kind friend Tony B has kindly reminded me to be calm and confident. Geez..I shall remember, BE PRESENT, forget about tml or the next day, FOCUSED.
Thanks to him for making me laugh..

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ........................

According to a recent study by the American clinical society on the issue of SLEEP, it was reported that people generally suffered from major illness if they did not get 7hrs of sleep per day. I was thinking is there a need to do so since from young, we were told that the body will regenerate and reccuperate during the nighttime. If we know this, we would know that by depriving ourselves of sleep, our cells do not get repaired and thereby turn into cancerous cells.
So why is there a need for reminder?
All because we are in the age of Information Technology where the Internet rules our lives.
Information overload is a common issue and the way to solve it is to spend longer time on the Internet thereby sacrificing our sleep.
And we do not get good quality sleep because we are disturb by the electromagnetic wave of the computer and our minds are in the hyper state instead of winding down..
So unless with good discipline and time mgt, it is hard to sleep early. At least for me..

Couple's finance

Actually, I kinda wonder how couple deal with their finances.

To me, it is a wonder how they divy up the finances. I curiously brought this up with a colleague.Turned out they had a joint account for things they do together. Eg. Dinner, movies. But funds to parents is still by each other. It is not shared.

I was wondering in cases of divorce, how was the $$ in the joint account split? According to contribution or according to persons.

Handling opinionated people

Beside the TOYF idea of talking facts and reasons to opinionated people to make them see your point, I hear another good solution to deal with them.

I was thinking to myself because these people are normally very stubborn and single track, it is often very difficult to make them see the point of view through facts as well. They will jolly well shut down their receiving channel and puah bodoh.

I was discussing with my colleague about certain things and we talk about this. I asked what was his solution. He replied. "Pretend or convince the opinionated person that both of you are in the same direction. Let them go in their own way first and slowly guide them back to your path."

I commented. "Isnt that a long detour? That is a waste of the time."

He replied. "You don't have a choice. He cannot see your route so let him go along and turn him back. Soften him so that he will let your ideas flow into his brain."

This is so NLP.

Career Options

One of those serious issues that I have been thinking about recently.

One will only climb up the corporate ladder when the individual's goals are aligned with the company's.

This is extemely important as one cannot function to their full capabilities.

Besides that, one must consider about the kind of growth and experience they have reached during their tenure in the company.

For instant, besides knowledge growth in a certain area of expertise, what other soft skills are being developed? What other courses are taken externally to boost your expertise and resume?

I used to think that work life surrounds only one person. But then again, I forget the bigger environment which is the company. This costly mistake gave me a bonus - aka - rejection letters when I applied for jobs in the past.

Then I was being reprimanded by my dad when he made me go through the interview process with him over again, much to my anger of being rejected yet again.

Anyway, that's the past.

Then I went on to a local company and then I realised that besides being a multitasker, I think or feel that I was overqualified for what I was assigned to do. Anyway. I know that being a Work Newbie, it is definitely important to work the ground. Top mgt would not know what competencies / capabilities a newbie will have. They also need to observe the newcomer's attitude and work quality.

But after 3years of being on the job, I feel beside the $$ increasing with the no. of years in the company, the personal growth is significantly higher. Things like how to handle people, work among colleagues, bonding, and etc. But professional life, it seems like a standstill. Well, I didnt go into a company to evaluate all this. But some times after having a hard time in office, I wonder to myself what have I achieve. Have I become a pawn to someone who used me to get to others in office politics? What else have I learnt all these years?

I always hope that someone give me feedback on how I work and my attitude to others which obviously is my Johari's window. I can get quite nasty when I want to. I tried to control my temper at times. Worry a lot.
I wish my colleagues or bosses would feedback to me more rather than giving me superficial compliments which I find them a lip service or a perk to get the next job done just like a little puppy given a treat before being sent on the next trip to fetch the frisby.

I was being told that I may be suited for liaison work. I was thinking may not be a bad idea except that I am an "I" person. I need my meditation period and being away from others. Geez.like recharging power..

I noticed that I cannot sit still at my cubicle. I must move around so data crunching is not my cup of tea. I must find a job that matching this and I am passionate about.


I thought of going into the media / video editing field. I love the thrills of getting the right effects and being instinctive to finding the right jigsaw to fill the gap. I just wonder how good I am in the industry standard.

Argh! I am evaluating my work value again. It is an annual event which I feel everyone should do. It is similar to those who suggest updating the resume. It is to get people away from their comfort zone and see if there is any value added in their work as compared to the industry.

I see what I have then.

Thanks for the self-discovery session cum may be complaining session with me.

Branded names

Sometimes I wonder why would women call these bags decorated with logos of other people's names all over it repeatedly as BEAUTIFUL.

It is just a bloody logo so what so beautiful about it. It is just the work of the narcisstic designer who wants people to blatantly advertise their names for them . I bet they know the art of VIRAL MARKETING where the other sensory appealing-till-overdose media effects are not present. When one says the fact, it means nothing but when many speak the same thing, it becomes gospel truth. One of the oldest and proven way of marketing, still works today.

Then they tagged a high price for their logos and produced in limited amount, calling it LIMITED EDITION. It just appeals to the mass's need to stand out and hold something unique from the rest. By putting a high price to it, it just make people feel the importance of the logo as often items are judged by their materialistic value.

In a way, the materialistic consumerist society has set the definition of beauty depending on the market conditions eg low supply and hinged at high price.

Sounds cynical? Well, you just have to sit on it and ponder.

Trekking at Bukit Timah Nature Reserve

My colleague suggest trekking at Bukit Timah Nature Reserve for exercise after work.
Naturally, I agreed. I feel I can keep up with them though the terrain got me a little worried caused my leg may not be able to take it.
We went there and we saw a lot of branded cars already parked there. You know the more common ones now like the 4 interlinked circles, Be My Wifes, M cars and etc. We also saw a few half naked men there after their work. Geez...They look like the King Kong if you get what I mean. 2 slabs of muscles propped on 1 big sack. Geez....
Then we tried walking up the hill after goin to the toilet.
There, I confirmed my fears. Geez..The natural tracks are very challenging. The ups and downs. The roots as steps and the concrete barriers to prevent erosion as steps. Geez. I haven been so physically challenged. I had to stretch out to reach the next step down. I was in fact slowing the entire group down and I was so embarrassed.
Geez...
But I dun have a choice, it is either I head back or I continue with them. I thought. HECK, I should be able to do it. No reason why the others can do but I cant. The ups and downs of the slopes are so near the cliff that I cannot imagine if one of us fell down. It is like the abyss. Geez..
After the 1st part of the slope, I wonder. WHY AM I DOING THIS?
Haha...so ironic. I am already sweating like crazy. My whole face is covered with sweat and my teeshirt is already half wet. haha...No way, I am already there and I don't want to be left behind. I was panting like crazy.
Heng I borrowed the stick from my colleague and use it to help me move around like up the slope and down it. My colleague say I use it like pro. Of coz, I used to hobble around with an umbrella when my ligament was torn.
Lucky, my colleague is there to encourage me. Geez..Dunno what will happen when he is not around man.
Then I trudged on. Geez...It is tough. At the halfway junction where there is an option to continue on a longer route or return to the startpoint.
We decided to go on. Geez..1st time I was wiping my sweat with towel and wet somemore.
We had to pass by this very big gap and there is no steps. My colleague teach us how to climb over the large trunk of a tree and get over. Nearly slipped and fell.
As we were walking to the other side, I commented things like I know why this hill very important coz can lure the attacker to the cliff side and kick their butt so that they end up rolling down the hill.
When we trekked to the "Yao Ming Po", the killing slope, I feel the crows literally flew past me.
Gosh..I really feel like Jack and the beanstalk. There are steps all the way to the sky and my legs and ankles throbbed.
I cant see the end. I turned around and saw the slope. Geez..I feel I had vertigo. I quickly turn around. Nearly wanna faint. A moment of dizziness.
I told myself. Dun look behind. No turning back. I panicked.
In addition, my colleague said only Mount Kota Kinabalu has stretcher services that carry people down the hill and charge by the weight of the victim. BUT there was no such service here.
That really helps. Coz I need to get myself out of it.
I tried to climb the treacherous steps up the slope. I only stopped for a while when there is a wider step. But the steps besides being steep is full of rocks. Geez..
The only thing I remember and keep in mind is I want to go home. I want to eat my dinner alive. Finally the goal becomes to reach the orange bag.
Then when I reach the orange bag belonging to my colleague I felt a sense of relief and said. This is like goal setting. Cannot see the front road. But One has to perservere on coz there is no turning back. Already sink too much into it. Have no choice but to carry on. Had to have stamina and find ways to alleviate the risks and make road smoother.
I found myself cannot take it when I reach the concrete floor and found out that the concrete floor is as steep as the track with minimal friction and I was like paddling around like a penguin.
My colleague was joking saying that no mosquito dare to land on we girls but to stay with him. He is the only one without insect repellent.
Geez.....
What a day. But I must say the dinner worth it wor. I realise I regain the capabilities of eating so fast.ahah......
Geez...real tired that my ankle hurt as I place improper pressure goin down the slope and my arm hurts as I use it to prop my leg and some pressure off both feets.
However, as we forget to do warmup,my thighs hurts like hell..geez.....
I need a good rub and good massage..gee...helpme...

New Phone

I got my new phone!

Yay!!

Cant wait to play with this new toy. But have to wait for it to finish charging...

Way cool!!!

Clash of Titans

It is like one of the shows I have been waiting for.

I like Sam Worthington since AVATAR. Geez....

Anyway, it is a remake of ancient Greek Mythology.

The animations are GREAT! The cast is eye pleasing and the settings is okie.

Just that I do not like the prophet of sorts so naive.

I like the show overall. I would be overwhelmed if we watched it in 3D.

We met with some problems while we are trying to get tickets for the show.
First, the trusty old cinema theatre's aircon broke down. Cant get the slot we want.
2nd, there was this couple who asked the tiket lady to come up and evict us as we sat on their places mistakenly. We were thinking cant they just confront us about it instead of goin 1 big round and the show starts already. Anyway, they got their right of way mah, so why so shy about it?

I mean halfway through the show, I was wondering if Sam Worthington was going to be like Gerard Butler, trying romance comedy. I was thinking nice bod going to waste. Geez..A little crazy since someone once commented to me that it is a waste of time to train up 6 packs which by the end of the day all was to reduce to one bag.

When in Rome

I was quite reluctant when my friend jio me to watch this movie.

I mean this year's movies names are very forgettable..I keep forgetting what is the show when I know the trailer.

Anyway, this movie's trailer was very interesting. It was about this bachelorette who had everything she wants except for love. She met jerks.

Finally, so hurt she was that she took out coins that people tossed into the fountain of love in Rome, in a declaration to save them.

Unknown to her, she fell into a curse. The men who tossed the coins that she picked up came courting after her.

She was shocked. She thought the guy whom she like also fell under the same curse. She thought he wasnt really falling for her.

After the show, I had some thoughts about it. Though the show was silly, it was hilarious and almost full house in the theatre I was in.

When too many bad and unfortunate things occur, one just feel at end's wits. That's why when out of a sudden a beautiful event landed, one just could not believe the fortune and keep on doubting whether is it tur or not.

Too beautiful to behold.

One just connot believe that he or she can own such a beautiful thing after a series of bad events convinced the person that they are unlucky.

Bridging Method Part II

A little follow-up on the earlier incident.

Apparently my mode of communication to my colleagues is not good. I checked out for feedback regarding the mini confrontation that I had with the rude colleague of mine.

Guess what?

She completely missed my point. She insisted another colleague of mine is out to frame her. She does not see where her fault lies.

I am now convinced my mode of communication is very bad. I always believed that it is the sender's failure to get the proper message sent across.

Either that or her decoding of messages sent was poor. She was into self-delusion. She totally convinced herself that she was innocent and that it was perfectly legitimate to open other people's cabinets.

Geeez....I must say no matter which way, it is very sad to see someone in her 20 odd years of service fails to see the importance of security.

Haiz........

Bridging method

In the TOYF, there is a small part under the Pendulum Plan called "Bridging Techniques".

Of course, there are other literature that contains such terms too.

Bridging, under the TOYF context, is referring to what's being done moments before answering a question that is very important to others. The questioner will assess you based on your response.

Benefits of Bridging is very good as it is a good way to show respect to others, clarify the questions posed so that the reply will be accurate and lastly to buy some time to clear out how to reply.
It is often used to reply somone very emotional at that point in time. The method emphasise on acknowledging the other person;s feeling and thoughts before dealing with the facts.

Well, I thought this is a pretty good plan but I probably would not use it. I was proven wrong last friday.
My colleague sent me some information to go through. I went through them and flag some items to my boss. I brought those documents to my boss. On my way back to my desk, I heard cabinet door being slammed, coming from the direction of my desk. As I sit at one corner, colleagues would not be loitering there unless they are there to find me. I am positive that at that point in time, there was no one else in that corner.

Then I saw the colleague who handed me the information coming out from my cubicle. To be honest, I was shocked. I knew this colleague of mine rummaged my cabinet without my permission as I can hear the noise made by my own cabinet. I was bloody pissed off and angry.

But I have other things to be done. I suppressed my anger and went ahead with other things.
Then as things settled down, I began to think back while pacing up and down in my cubicle. No way was I wrong about that colleague. She came out of my cubicle area.
In order to be factual, I asked the other colleagues to see if they witness anything.
But BOY, I was bloody mad.
Turn out, one of  them saw it and quickly scotted off.

From then I have no doubt about my theory.

Now,left the option of how to bring this up to that guilty colleague of mine.

A little bit on this colleague of mine. She is very sensitive. She hates people misjudging and mistreating her.
She once told me off for putting documents on her desk with her computer on while she was away.
I mean fine. It was actually partly my fault. I should have waited for her to come back before giving her. But c'mon, her desk doesnt even have an IN-tray. She should have switched her computer to desktop while she was away.
She wants others to respect her.\
She even told another sick colleague of mine that she should not be loitering around othe people's cubicle when they are not around.

Now, under such circumstances, can you see why I am bloody mad and pissed off?
She was clearly double standard.
She doesnt respect me at all even though I hold a Higher position than her. (I dun like to compare position but she is the one who always insist she was discriminated against due to position difference).
She doesnt even care of other's security yet she want hers secured.
She is the one who insisted on privacy and etc.
Ridiculous isnt it?

I wasnt that petty kind but security issues are not to be played with or belittle upon.
I knew I had to say this to her. If there are anything important missing from my cabinet, I will be held accounted for.
Geez....

So I forced myself to calm down. I had to force myself with the help of my colleagues. There is no point burning bridges with her. I had to get stuff from her.
Bridges..Ah! bridging......
I tried to recall what I learnt from the bridging techniques.

At first, I questioned her about her prescence in my cubicle.
Then she tried to explain she wants to take the documents. (I find it hard to believe as I asked her before when she need it. She said she need it on monday.)
Fine, I accepted it though my blood continue to simmer.

Then I ask cant she wait for me to get it since I am around.
She said she was in a hurry and she cannot find me. (That's bulls. I was in the same level as her. Cant she search for me?)
Again, my blood continue to bubble.

Finally, I asked the most important question. What did she search at my cubicle?
She said she went through my desk and drawers.
Tah-dda
That's the answer I want.
So I said. Please let me know what kind of things you want. I am in the office. Please do not search around my cubicle. This is not good and it creates unneccessary problems.
I make sure she knows that I am unhappy and do not belittle me as I am younger than her. There are things that age would not be an legitimate excuse for the behaviour.
She replied. I was in a hurry mah. I got a witness. (So what if you have a witness? Where is your approval from the boss or the owner?)

You should have told me that you are going to tell your boss. (Her memory must be failing her. I told my boss in front of her when he came down to look for me. Besides, you are the one who told me you only need it on Monday. Furthermore, your position is lower than mine, I already did my best informing you. Why should I tell you again? You are not my boss.)
Nonetheless, I told her firmly. Do not do it again and caused unnecessary trouble.
Then I left.
By then, my blood reaching boiling point. Bloody idiot! 强词夺理的猪头.

That's not a legitimate answer.
She was no security manager and my boss.
So what if she quoted a witness? Can you still justify why you search your superior's desk?
No wonder it caused some male chauvinistic pigs to come up with things like 女人头发长, 见识短. (Women have long hair but they have no foresight). Not all ladies are like that but

There was a chinese saying dont do anything to others unless you want them to do so to you. (己所不欲,勿施于人.)
Bloody unreasonable.

Then I calmed down with the help of icecream and think through. In my haste, I forgot to acknowledge her emotions, Her motives for doing this so it was half-complete. Thus making my efforts not to burn bridges with her a bit half-done. She only received the "I know what you did and do not do it again" message.

A bit half-baked. But nice effort.

I thought through. I wasnt used to dealing with all these especially confronting the guilty ones. I should improve on my delivery and make sure I send the correct message in the correct format the next time.

Art of talking

 For the past few years after school, it has been a road of discovery about myself.
I loved the road of discovery but it is quite scary, honestly.

As I mentioned earlier, making / giving a speech wasn't my forte.
I prefer writing over talking. May be that is why I took an instant liking for Internet where everyone is
faceless.

I have a lot of things to say, some may be offensive to others.

BUT I never dare to say.

Why?
I am scared I might offend people and fell into the vicious cycle of being attacked by others.
If being silent can stay out of harm's way, why not?
I can be brutally direct at times.
This becomes my weapon without my knowledge until someone told me about it after she cannot stand it.

Then I realise I have the problem of packaging my ideas.

In other words, my delivery is bad.

I have been finding ways to deal with it but they worked with varying success depending on the context.

This is not good as I do not know what are my success factors. Now it seems like a pure stroke of luck make those occasions a success.

Then I came across an interesting notion.

Store what you want to bring up and things you want to say. When someone mentions similar things, repackage / reframe those ideas that you have in mind and say it out.
Works the best.

Now I have given it some thought and find that it is not a bad idea.
But it has several pre-requisites:

            a) You must have a GOOD MEMORY. Otherwise the ideas might just slip away like I always do. 
                 Or the database in the mind has no search engine. Lost links.

            b) You must have QUICK REFLEX. Why? so that the moment things are mentioned and balls are 
                 rolling, you can quickly reframe and shoot.
   
             c) You must have LARGE ANTENNA. If you have one, congratulations. You can have the widest
                  reach and bring ideas up.

May be I can try to cultivate those pre-requisites and I will not get bulldozed into doing work that I cant refused.

Friendships

I am at the crossroad of yet another friendship again.
I realised I am not very good at handling relationship. The flair for it is nearly zero.
Time and again, I have to deal with it and I havent manage to find a way to minimize my emotional damage.
Still like a kid, not handling it in a mature way.
To me, rapport building with people was never easy. I only let a few into my inner circle as MBTI would have put it. Relationship building is never easy for me and I treasure any relationship with anyone. I tried to keep up with the relationship maintainance, at least I did my best.
Close friends are hard to find. As time passed, people will change in terms of personality, looks, social circles and etc. Therefore, the nature of the friendship changes.
Efforts are made to accommodate all these, never mind the infrequent catching up and work issues. In my opinion, friendships are like this, if it is yours, it is yours. It is fate that people meet and click and form a friendship. You work hard to maintain it and try your best to keep it.
But a relationship need 2 parties to communicate and maintain, not just one-sided. Things will always crop up but one has to try to find some time to make it work. It can't be coincidental that everytime you ask someone out, the other person is not free. It simply sound like the person is trying to avoid the other party.
Why?
Precisely of the dfference between people.
The eventual result of such relationship is drifting apart and dissociate ties then.
That's why I wonder, is the difference so great that one cannot accomodate another, not even on the account of several years of friendships that each other had.
I simply cannot understand.
I know that people has to work, has to have their own social circles and etc. They are tired and has nothing else in mind but to rest.
Normal friends can be as such. The requirements may not be so stringent.
But close friends. How can a pair of close friends not meet for 6 months, given the fact that both are in the same country?
Is friendship so not worth keeping it?
On the other perspective, may be I am very paranoid and possessive, possibly even "sticky" as chewing gum. Maybe the other party has a boyfriend and has to manage her time carefully...
Of course, friendships cannot be compared to imtimate relationships like couple had. That I can understand.
Maybe the other party needs more time for her dream fulfillment.
Maybe...
Maybe...
Maybe...
Maybe...
There are so many "Mabybe"s that I dont know it exist.
I feel quite disappointed. It feels like an warm gesture of extending a hand for handshake has been slapped away or not been reciprocated.
Quite sad...
Worse of all, I feel very bad as I myself have not improve much. Like not much growth, mentally. Unlike others, who improve by leap and bounds.
But how to deal with it?
I have not figure it out. The best way I tried so far is to forget it.
Minimize and blot out the image.
Any other methods to try?

State of Unrest

I always has this state of unrest after a period of being in my comfort zone for too long. I yearn to do something new, something drastic and something challenging.
Not sure if anyone ever feel this way, the feeling is rather intense at times and I just loathe myself for not able to do anything.
Why am I unable to carry out anything?
One, I dun have a concrete plan. Relying on passion and impulse is not going to get anyone anywhere, better still may land the person in hot soup. Once you have a plan, passion will then comes in and motivate people to strive for their goals.
Sounds a lot like procrastination huh?
But the fact is that after the period of unrest, the awareness of cruel reality seeped in. What is the contingency plan that I have should my adventure fails? Do I have the resources to pull it off? I am still in debt repayment. Actually, what I lack I believe besides a concrete plan is financial resources and network.
Hmm.....
All that sort of dampen my spirit to do something drastic until the next surge of unrest hits me again.
Then someone triggered and stirred up the surge of unrest in me when I am in the dormant stage.
Geez.......
Not only did he make my brain work overtime, the feelings of unrest starts to gnaw me again.
GEez.....
He mentioned the following:

1. It is good that I feel the state of unrest and being dissatisfied with my present life.

2. It is good to be unrealistic and have this big rather impossible dream as there is a fine line between a madman and a genius.

3. There is a difference between gifted and talented. Gifts are limitless and innate in everyone while talents ae additional bonus that each one of us may or may not have.

Can you imagine the inner turmoil I have upon hearing this?
Hmm....there is a revolution going on in my mind.
I have never thought of it this way. Dreams I have but...
It is always BUT behind...
Let me think very hard on it and reflect.......
Geez...

TOYF - Benefits Plan

Someone reflected that I should do more on the earlier post on my application of TOYF's "Benefits Plan".

I am sorry that I missed out that part, only showing the applications but not the formula.

See that's what NLP terms it as the applying critical success factors for good work done in an unconscious level.

Now this person reminded me that I must show the conceptual thinking behind it which I would have forgotten.

Let me go through a little bit of history.

TOYF's main line of argument is based on logical reasoning with facts.

BENEFITS PLAN is the last plan out of a total of 6 plans listed on TOYF.

It is represented by a ring of arrows protruding outwards.

The line of reasoning is used to persuade and convince audience by illustrating the potential benefits from the audience's perspective.
Benefits are different from the features of the products. They are the points which the audience values a lot and finds out that by using the features of the product for instance, it make them more efficient and smart.
The structure of the argument is the commonly used sandwich method in which you package your persuasive points in the following order:
2nd most impressive point --> disadvantage --> Most impressive point.

Of course logic can be a double-edged sword.
People can rebutt your line of reasoning by using the REVERSE BENEFIT plan in which using the same structure outline the disadvantages to the audience.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope everyone gain a bit of knowledge on the use of such plan.
Again, this is my personal understanding and opinion of the concept.
Copyright infringement is definitely a NONO for me.

Self-consciousness

On a shopping trip with mum,we saw a lady trying to look for a seat on the MRT.
She looks well on the outside, but she keeps shifting her stance as if her legs are tired.
Nobody was taking notice of this.
Whenever there is an empty seat, she will try to move there as soon as possible after a slight hesitation. However, others nearby were too fast for her.
I whispered to my mum. "Why did she hesitate? She could have gotten the seat if not for her hesitation."
My mum with her words of wisdom shed some light into this. "Well, she might be feeling self-consciousness."
I was surprised at her comment.
We continued our discussion on this.
Me:
"Well, if she has a valid reason like her legs are weak and she desperately need rest, she can take the seat without any self-consciousness or how others view her. Afterall, she is the only one to take care of her own health."

Mum:
"You must know this. People will gossip about their behaviour right in front of them. It would not be nice, isnt it? Moreover, you dunno if anyone will blog this on the Internet or take picture and post them online calling her a seat grabber. Afterall, she looks find on the exterior."

Me:
"Well, she has a problem and she is the only one to know. There is no need to publisize and announce to everyone in the cabin that 'hey I have a weak knee and I need a seat.' She should know her own health. It is better to get a seat and have everyone's tongue wagging than to fell down and suffer injuries. As long as your conscience is clear, there is no need to tell anyone."

Mum:
"Things dun happen this way. People will think you are selfish and not civic-minded."

I was loss for words. Apparently, the loss of FACE is more important than health.
But on a another level, the impact of technology on people is tremendous yet again.
Even aunties are wary of the technology and do self-censorship on their actions and behaviours so that their photos wont end up in the YOUTUBE or STOMP.
Scary isnt it.

Sun Tzu's quote

"Do not believe that the enemy will not come,
Believe in your readiness to deal with him"

I chanced upon this on a TV show on Channelnews Asia.

I find this quote very interesting. Based on my limited experience, this quote is so true, providing a solution to one of my existing problems.

Self delusion is one of the worse things that can happen to anyone at anytime. you want to delete away the bad news like your computer can do, forget it and it will go away.
However, based on experience, bad things will never go away. In fact, the more you ignore it, the more attention seeking it is and snowballed into a series of bad events which you may or may not be capable of handling it. The consequences more often than not, is disastrous. Of course, you can always blame Murphy and forget Justin Case does exist, just that you never even trouble yourself to find Justin.

Hence, the best way to deal with bad things is to face it straight on. Tell the bad thing and convince yourself to say "Bring it On, Baby". Of course handling the bad thing initially will be tough. But as you go along, bad things like knots will become easier to unravel at the end. Once you are ready to deal with it, there is no stopping of getting a good, positive result unless Mr Murphy decides to disturb your solution to find balance.

Hopefully, everyone can convince yourself to get ready to face the challenges ahead.

Benefits vs Privacy

Technology has been surrounding us ever since I can remember.

Since the advent of the Internet, things have been changing drastically.
More new compatible applications and products have beenc created to ride on the wave of Internet, which is described as the 4th Revolution. The world suddenly is no longer restricted by its geographical limitations, and shrunk into what Marshall McLuhan coined as "Global Village".

As a result, people around the world becomes technologically enabled. For instance, people can become reporters and post what they have seen online. Everyday lives was suddenly magnified several 100 times as it was circulated throughout the entire Global Village within seconds. We all know that there is this girl residing on a tiny island, did a DIY sex video and was circulated around the world. There was this certain girlfriend who nearly destroyed her boyfriend's male happiness with her physical abuse. Nitty Gritty details becomes the information that was circulated and make known to nearly all of us so much so that I feel it maybe one of the factors that contribute to Information Overload in this Information Age. Suddenly, the quality of the information dropped so drastically that gossips filters into our daily lives.

Of course, there are other things like Google world map which also featured Street view. It is an excellent tool in my opinion especially when one decides to go travelling. At least you have seen the place before and you most likely would not get lost. You know the road situations, whether is it a one way lane or 2-way street. The convenience is unmeasurable.

However, on the news today, someone discover that a nude woman walking around her house was caught on the Street view as the street scene was captured by Google. I was like, OMG. How unfortunate.

That set me thinking how come this was not filtered? Furthermore, even though it was very convenient and has a lot of benefits, does it outweighs our own privacy now that our lives are put online that everyone can see it? Are we going to do self-censorship and be very conscious of our actions and behaviours in our everyday lives for the fear that we may be caught on the camera or other devices and be posted online?
There will be a 3rd pair of eyes looking very carefully every movement we make. How does it impact on our lives? Doesnt it amount to surveillance?

Since everyone is subjective, some people may not be comfortable with some thing and they took the picture without permission and post online. What happened to the courtesy and the respect for privacy of others? For the sake of showing off or proving one's point, other's privacy is sacrificed. Is the sacrifice worth it?
These are the issues that we have to grapple with in our everyday lives as technology become a major part of our lives.

TOYF - Part one

TOYF?

What does it mean?

THINK ON YOUR FEET

Well, it is a course that I recently attended. I was wondering to myself for the past 3 years what kinda course have I been taking that I missed out such an important one.

It is important to me, a person whose reaction is always slower than others by 3 seconds, metaphorically speaking. Well, it is more than 3 seconds.

Ahhh...I digress. It is not good to lose focus.

Back to the course.

I realise I can use this to deal with my bosses especially strong-opinionated ones.

It took me awhile to fully remember the concepts and internalise it.

Anyway, this morning, my boss was hell-bent on a certain idea that I find it ...hmmm....inappropriate..hmm...a better word might be......less beneficial.

So in my head, i was thinking....geez...how to convince him...must get something to stuff his mouth......let's see..what kinda person he is....hmmm....of course i am grateful that there are other colleagues distracting him while I think.....Geez...I really cant think of anything except to keep staring at his face...

AH-HA! An idea struck me. Remembering i was reading a book on how to market ideas by judging person from the facial features..I decide to give it a try before deciding on what plans from the TOYF to use.

Hmm......straight untidy thick brows.. signifies a very direct person, act without thinking...self-opinionated...Then I ask myself the next question. What is the issue that matters to him the most...

From there I get it that I must use the ZOOM OUT LENS plans to show him the big picture which he might have missed out....

TOYF is a good tool to use when you are short of time and need a structure to flesh out persuasive argument in a short time.

It is a good tool I feel for kids too who may find that writing compo is a chore as they do not know how to link up the details / pictures shown. STRUCTURE is the key for good compo. It is beneficial for kids to learn this right from the start.

TOYF I find is very much similar to NEURO LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING, NLP. For instance, ZOOM LENS plan used in my example here is retermed as Chunking or Reframing in NLP terms..

However, there are some training companies who specialised in both NLP and TOYF explains that TOYF is more for one-to-many communications eg. trainers to class while NLP is more for ONE-to-ONE Communications.

I beg to defer.I find that NLP is a holistic package from assessment to actions while TOYF is just solutions.

This brings out the caveat of the course.

One thing about the TOYF is you must know how to assess the situation and the target to persuade within a short period of time before you can decide what plan to use. Having all the plans is not enough. They are tools to use.

Just my opinions on this useful course which I feel everyone, especially newbies must try. I dunno why I take so long to get into the course. I have had feedbacks that it is very stressful but after going through, I would say it is well worth the brain activities.

I will try to share some more uses of TOYF here.

Cya.

Dear John

Well, I am pretty excited about this movie as this is directed by one of my favorite director, Lasse Hallstrom. I still remember one of his earliest works, a Swedish Film known as " My Life as a Dog". I was so touched by the details and the scenes that the director created for the main character that I was crazy enough to order from Amazon.com when I saw there are copies of the film sold in US.
Though the film is one of my projects, my groupmates and I absolutely love the film so much so that we re so dedicated to the film report and we got an A for it. Because of that, we formed an amazing friendship that lasted us through the university days and till now, though we din take much modules together after that.

Okie, I must apologised I digress drastically....I was brought back into memory lane.

This movie transformed from a book by Nicholas Sparks, another author who wrote heart-wrenching novels. I supposed this is going to be a teary movie for me so arm to the teeth with the maximum packets of tissue that my bag can hold, my friend, Val and I went to watch the show.

At the end, I feel so terribly empty. I was only touched when the male lead was opening his heart out to his dying autistic father in the hospital. Other than that, it was so average.
The editing wasnt so fantastic. Alot of repeat scenes which I am not sure if the original novel has it written that way. But I must say the trailer did the BEST job.
Why?
It manage to capture all of the best shots in the movie and convinced me to watch it in theatre.
But a lot of close up shots on the actors.
I felt that the casting may not be a good idea as the emotions displayed wasnt that obvious. The inner turmoils and the eyes..did not betrayed that heart wrenching feelings. I must say that Channing Tatum is part of the reason why I went into the cinema watching the show. lol.

Ahh...a lot of product endorsements in the movie. So deliberate to let the screen capture the brand of the products.

It is an average show for me.

BTW, I was nearly killed by my friend that day as I unwittingly bought the tickets scheduled at 0420AM. luckily there are still seats available and the ticket lady allow us to change. HENG ah!
Otherwise, my friend would have slaughter me alive....
Whew!!!
What a day!

Valentine's Day

This is one of the blockbusters that Hollywood claims to be set to overtake the box office by storm.
Well, for me it is one for movies for selection during the Chinese New Year.
Not much to choose based on the variety during this season. I would rather watch "When in Rome" or "Dear John" if they are shown in the cinema a week earlier. Given there is nothing to do during the festive period but to dear nice nice and eat, this is the alternative.
It's being said to be adapted from the English movie, "Love, Actually" where a star-studded cast is a pre-requisite.
Similarly " Valentine's Day" is full of celebrities from Hollywood Hilltop.
Julia Roberts, Jessica Alba, Jennifer Garner, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Emma Roberts, Bradley Cooper Taylor Lautner, Taylor Swift....
Oh by the way, Taylor Swift can act well beside her singing talent.
This movie is shift forward by human network and relationships and what happens to their love life on this very special and most often than not, commercial day.
How most of the time they get cheated, fall for the non-commitment types and eventually find that well the success formula is to marry someone who is your pal. Minimise risk and increase the success of getting married.
hmmm...
On the whole not bad, but I still prefer the original "Love Actually".

Happy New Year 2010

Okie this is a brand new year. I am sensing that there will be major changes in my life. I dunno if it is good or bad, but there is a sense of heaviness in my heart. I am hoping that it will go away pretty soon. Good luck to me!